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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27494020">are you thinking of me tonight?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aukjennie/pseuds/aukjennie'>aukjennie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>BLACKPINK (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Smut, chaennie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:49:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,105</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27494020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aukjennie/pseuds/aukjennie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>jennie is sick and tired of everything... until she meets chaeyoung. unfortunately, she is already taken.</p><p>A/N: this is where i'll be posting the major written parts of my social media au (up on twitter) and i might as well post some one shots later.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jennie Kim/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. after dark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>jennie missed rosie, so she decided to take her to a secret place... with the help of good music and wine, she realizes something.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi! u can listen to after dark by mr.kitty to set the mood :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My lips curl in a smile as soon as I see her standing there, in front of the fountain, waiting for me. I slow down my pace just so I can admire her a little longer. She’s wearing high-waisted jeans and a black cropped top, with a long black jacket. </p><p>I watch as she takes the phone out of her pocket and checks it, impatiently. </p><p>“You really came.” I say getting closer to her and she turns to me. Her smile grows as big as mine. </p><p>“Of course I did,” She says. “But I was about to leave thinking that you wouldn’t come.”</p><p>“Sorry for that, I was trying to pick the right shirt to impress you.” I joke and she laughs. “So, let’s go?” I say holding out my hand for her to take it. She smiles and intertwines her fingers with mine. It was kind of an unconscious move, but now that I’m holding her hand, I know that I wanted to do this for a long time. I can’t help but let my thumb caress her finger a little bit, just so I can feel her soft skin. </p><p>“Where are we going, by the way?” She asks as we walk out of campus.</p><p>“Just on a little adventure.” She chuckles. “I don’t want your life to be boring, you know.”</p><p>“So my life seems boring to you? Is that it?”</p><p>“I get that impression sometimes...” I’m just playing with her, but I can’t say I never thought that when I saw her with Dejun. He’s definitely boring. </p><p>“Wow, thank you, Jennie!”</p><p>“So is it exciting then?”</p><p>“Well, I like to think that it’s just as exciting as everyone else’s lives.”</p><p>“Boring. Not everyone gets to hang out with me.”</p><p>“Oh, but it sure seems like everyone does.” I sense bitterness in her voice. That’s funny.</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” </p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“Are you jealous?” I ask smiling at her. I do feel a little proud for making her jealous… Whatever that means.</p><p>“No?” She rolls her eyes.</p><p>“It sure looks like you are.” I laugh.</p><p>“I’m not. I’m just saying,” She looks straight forward as we walk. “You’re always hanging out with a different person, so your company is not as special as you said.”</p><p>“Well, I’m not always hanging out with a different person. You’re just taking this out of proportion because you’re jealous.”</p><p>“I’m not jealous, shut up.”</p><p>“You are! But you don’t have to be. Your company is the one I like the most.”</p><p>“Oh, is it now?” She turns to face me.</p><p>“It is.”</p><p>“And why’s that?”</p><p>“Hm, maybe ask me that again when I’m not so sober.” </p><p>“Woah, I thought Jennie Kim was never ashamed to say anything.” </p><p>I laugh. “It’s not shame exactly, it’s more that I still have some decency when sober.”</p><p>“And when you’re drunk?” </p><p>“Not much, to be honest.”</p><p>She laughs. “Good to know.”</p><p>We’re walking for about fifteen minutes now, never letting go of each other’s hand. The quiet streets with nice houses are now behind as the buildings begin to pop in the city. </p><p>“How far is it? I’m tired.” She says panting and I’m basically dragging her at this point.</p><p>“We’re almost there, Rosie.”</p><p>“Are you sure you’re not kidnapping me?”</p><p>“Yeah, but like… That’s what I’d say even if I was kidnapping you.”</p><p>“Damn, I suppose you’re right.”</p><p>“Would it be so bad to be locked up with me, though?”</p><p>She thinks about it for a few seconds. “Yeah, it would.”</p><p>I laugh. “Wow, thank you. I’ll make it worse now.”</p><p>“There isn’t any worse.”</p><p>“Okay, Chaeyoung, okay.” I say in a serious tone.</p><p>“Hey! Don’t call me that.”</p><p>“Chaeyoung? Isn’t that your name?”</p><p>“Yeah, but that’s not how you call me.”</p><p>“I remember damn well you telling me not to call you Rosie.”</p><p>“What can I say? It grew on me…”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“You better not have anyone else calling you that.”</p><p>“Possessive, are you?”</p><p>“Oh, very much indeed. Why else would I be kidnapping you right now?” I squeeze her hand a bit and she laughs.</p><p> </p><p>–</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, we’re here. <em>Shh</em> now.” I drag her to the side of the old building.</p><p>“<em>What are you doing?</em> Where are we?”</p><p>“Rosie, please, shut up now, okay?”</p><p>I look around to see if there’s anybody in sight. Once I confirm it’s all clear, I move a board to the side of the wall, revealing an open window.</p><p>I don’t know exactly what this building was supposed to be, but it seems to be abandoned now. Maybe some unfinished project or whatever.</p><p>“Jennie, I don’t wanna get into trouble…”</p><p>“You won’t if you do what I say. Now go.”</p><p>“What? You want me to-”</p><p>“<em>Fuck, Rosie! Just go!</em>” I say impatiently. We didn’t walk all this way to get caught now.</p><p>She finally goes in and I follow her.</p><p>“So, did it hurt?” </p><p>“That’s not right, Jennie.” </p><p>“Oh my god, it's like you've never broken into a place before.”</p><p>“Yeah... <em>cause I haven't?</em>”</p><p>“Nothing is gonna happen, okay? We’re fine.” I try to calm her down, but you know... I just can’t help myself. “If we go to jail, at least we’ll go together, right?”</p><p>“That’s not funny.”</p><p>“Kinda is.” I say laughing and she roll her eyes, trying to contain a smile. </p><p>“Alright, come this way.” I say grabbing her hand. I take her down a small corridor to the stairway door. </p><p>“Are you sure there are no rats or anything like that in here?” She asks looking around.</p><p>“Well, I’ve never seen one, so it’s not too bad, I guess?” </p><p>“Oh, god…”</p><p>“Okay, we have to go up a few levels here...” I say when we get to the stairs.</p><p>“Like how many?”</p><p>“It’s better not to count.” I say. “But I’ll keep you distracted, you won’t even notice all the steps, I promise.”</p><p>“So you better start, cause I’m already tired.”</p><p>I tell her jokes that are only funny because they are not funny at all… But it works. She’s too distracted now telling me how silly I am. Her laugh echoes along the stairs and all I want right now is to push her against the wall and tell her how fucking beautiful she is. But yeah… I can’t. </p><p>“We’re here!” </p><p>I open a large door so that she can enter and follow her to the windows that make up the entire front wall of the place, showing the starry sky with almost no clouds.</p><p>“<em>Wow!</em> This is so beautiful.” She says and I nod.</p><p>Although the place is dirty, the view is definitely worth coming in here.</p><p>She looks at me smiling and then looks back at the window, mesmerized by the view. I can only look at her.</p><p>“How did you find this place?”</p><p>“You know, drunk adventures and all that...”</p><p>“I’m listening.” She says turning to face me.</p><p>“Well, I was drinking with Chu and Seulgi at this nearby bar and, on the way back, we passed this building. We noticed the hole in the wall and, wasted as hell, decided it was a good idea to get in. And it really was.”</p><p>“So since that day you guys hang out here?”</p><p>“Not really. They never came back here, as far as I know at least. But I came back alone three times. Four now.”</p><p>“Why alone?” She frowns. </p><p>“It was moments when I just wanted to be alone, so…” I say looking at the view, but I don’t think I want to get into this right now. “Okay, I brought something for us!” I announce with a smile as I take a bottle out of my bag. “<em>Cheap wine, a classic!</em>”  </p><p>“Oh, now we’re talking!” </p><p>I laugh and pass the bottle to her after opening it. I take a small thin blanket and set it on the floor for us to sit. </p><p>“So,” She says after sitting down. “Why did you bring me here all of a sudden?”</p><p>“Well, I...” To be honest, I haven’t thought about that. It wasn’t something planned. “I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to see you...” </p><p>She smiles and places a lock of hair behind her ear. “I’m glad you did.” </p><p>Did she miss me as much as I missed her? </p><p>I spent less than a day without talking to her, trying to distract myself with other people, but I couldn’t get her out of my head for too long. I must’ve checked my phone a thousand times, hoping she’d texted me… But she never did, so I had to check her social media accounts many times, just to try to miss her a little less. I was dying to talk to her… It’s getting embarrassing. </p><p>She hands me the bottle and I take a long sip. </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>“<em>We need music!</em>” Rosie says.</p><p>“Okay… What do you wanna listen to?” </p><p>“Hmm, I don’t know.” She puts her hand on her chin to think. “What do <em>you</em> wanna listen to? I still don’t know your taste in music. Show me!”</p><p>“Alright.” </p><p>I unlock my phone and scroll through my playlists on Spotify. She looks at the screen with me while I try to pick something that I think she’d like. </p><p>“You have a lot of playlists, Jennie.”</p><p>“Yeah, my specialty is to make playlists.”</p><p>“Send me the links later.”</p><p>I turn to face her. “For real?”</p><p>“Yeah, if it’s your specialty, they must be really good.”</p><p>I laugh. “Okay, you got it.”</p><p>I choose a chill playlist and we listen to the songs while sharing the bottle of wine. I drink most of it, while Rosie does most of the talking.</p><p>And as I listen to her talking about how much she loves music and just rambling about lyrics and stuff, it hits me that I’m really falling for her. It’s not just a crush anymore. I don’t want just to kiss her or whatever. I want <em>her</em>. </p><p>I want to hear everything she has to say. I want to learn about everything she likes. I want to share everything I like with her. I want to make her playlists. I want her to enjoy moments like this with me. I want to make her life exciting and I want to make her happy every day, just as much as she looks right now. </p><p>I take the last sip of the wine and rest my head on the window behind us. I look at the ceiling for a moment before turning my head to face her. She’s staring at me, and we just stay silent for a moment, looking into each other’s eyes. I’m sure there’s still music playing, but I can’t hear anything. </p><p>God, how can someone look this beautiful? Every little thing in her is just perfect. I could spend hours just admiring her like this. I really could. But I can’t right now, because I want her so bad… And my need for her grows stronger with every second that I look at her. I just want to wrap my fingers in her hair and pull her impossibly close to me. I want to feel her lips on mine. I want to know what it tastes like. </p><p>My gaze goes from her eyes to her mouth, and I swear I think hers did just the same. Her lips are a bit reddish from the wine, and I watch them get shiny when she licks them. <em>Fuck</em>. There’s a lock of hair falling on her face and my hand travels to place it behind her ear.</p><p>Just as I’m leaning closer to her, I’m taken out of my daze by a notification sound. Her phone screen lights up on the floor in front of us and I see his name with a heart emoji pop up. I close my eyes and throw my head back again, leaning on the window. I don’t need to see whatever the fuck they’re saying to each other.</p><p>What was I thinking? She can’t be mine. I’m here like an idiot, dreaming about her, while her mind is probably on him. Stupid.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Her soft voice comes creeping into the mess inside my head.</p><p>I inhale deeply before I can get myself to speak. “Yeah, I am.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“I’m just drunk, I think.” Which is actually true, although not the whole truth. <em>I’m fucking jealous, Rosie</em>.</p><p>She stays quiet and I can feel her eyes on me, even with my eyes still closed. I wonder what she’s thinking. I wonder if she feels something when she’s around me. Anything. Is this completely one-sided? Am I really just a friend to her? </p><p>Well, there’s no point in overthinking this. She’s not available. </p><p>I gather the strength to finally open my eyes and act as cool as I can. </p><p>“We should go now.” I say standing up and putting my hand out to help her. </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>She takes the blanket off the floor, shakes off the dirt and starts to fold it. I pick up the empty wine bottle from the floor and put it in my bag.</p><p>Once we make outside the building, she intertwines our fingers again and grabs my arm with her other hand, clinging to me. </p><p>God, I think this wine made me way too emotional. My heart aches with her touch now. </p><p>“Well, guess we won’t be going to jail today.” She says. </p><p>“Yeah, what a shame.” I try to sound as I normally would.</p><p>We walk the rest of the way without saying a word. My head feels really heavy on my shoulders, a thousand different thoughts weighting on it. I just really need to lie down and sleep it off. </p><p>After a twenty-minute walk, we arrive at her dorm.</p><p>“Well, there you go. Safe and sound.” I say. </p><p>“Thank you, Jen.” She says with a gentle smile. </p><p>We stare at each other for a few seconds, not sure of what to do next. I look down and start pinching the palm of my hand to try to contain my anxiety. I’m ready to just turn around and leave when she surprises me with a hug.</p><p>I’m afraid I won’t be able to let her go if I hug her back. But I do it anyway. </p><p>I wrap my arms around her waist and bury my head in her neck. Her hair is soft and smells like jasmines. She strokes the back of my neck with her fingertips and it’s getting really hard to feel my legs. Her bed is so close… Can’t she just drag me there? Fuck. This is too overwhelming for me right now.</p><p>I need to leave before I do something stupid.</p><p>I break the hug and fake a smile to her. “Good night, Rosie.”</p><p>“Text me when you get to your dorm?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Okay. Good night, Jen.” </p><p>I walk away from there as fast as possible, with all kinds of thoughts creeping inside my head. <em>Am I in love with her? Does she like me too? Why is she with him? Why can’t I have her? </em>A nauseous wave hits me and I go to the first trash can I see and throw up on it. It doesn’t come out much, but it gives me a sense of relief somehow. </p><p>Once I manage to pull myself together and get to my dorm, I just drop my bag on the floor, take off my shoes and crawl into bed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. the party</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>after a week without talking, rosie and jennie finally see each other at lisa's birthday party. repressed feelings, yearning and alcohol... what could go wrong?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You’re not drinking tonight? Seriously?” Sihyeon asks with a disapproving tone in her voice.</p><p>“Yeah, for real.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I don’t know, I’m just not in the mood.”</p><p>To be honest, I didn’t even want to be here. But once again I find myself following Chu’s orders. I didn’t regret going out with her and Lisa in the past few days, but I kinda do regret coming here tonight. I’m not in the same vibe as the people here, and I don’t want to drink because I’m afraid I might do something stupid like the last time… So now I’m just killing time until my friends are too drunk to notice me sneaking out. </p><p>“Ugh, you’re boring tonight.” She says before getting up from the couch and walking towards Seulgi and Moonbyul. </p><p>It’s not crowded here, but there are a lot more people than I expected. I thought it would be something more casual, like just close friends or something like that, but there are a good number of unfamiliar faces.</p><p>“<em>Boring, huh?</em>” Irene says taking Sihyeon’s place.</p><p>“Yeah, well…” I let out a chuckle. “I have to agree with her.”</p><p>“Same.” She sits sideways to me, resting her elbow on the back of the sofa. “But I mean… You’re like this every day.” </p><p>“Ouch! You’re being so mean to me lately…” I lean my body into hers and then look up, narrowing my eyes. “I’m kinda into it.” </p><p>“I know you are.” She says with a smirk, running her fingers through my hair — just what I wanted. It feels good.</p><p>I turn my eyes to the room again, just casually looking around… Definitely not anxiously waiting for the moment when I finally see <em>her</em>. Not at all. </p><p><em>Ugh</em>, I really wish I could just forget that she exists at this point, just like she did with me. I don’t know exactly what I said to her that day, but it would be way easier to deal with this if she could act like an adult and talk to me about it, instead of pretending that I don’t exist. I know I probably crossed some lines, but I was drunk… And we did have a good time before that. I know she enjoyed it too.</p><p><em>Thinking of the devil</em>… Rosie enters the room talking to someone I don’t recognize, and I just know she stopped listening to focus on me when her eyes found their way to mine. </p><p>She looks even prettier than the last time I saw her. Not only that, but god… She looks hot as hell. </p><p>Yup, that’s definitely something I shouldn’t be thinking right now. <em>Get a fucking grip, Jennie</em>.</p><p>I see her gaze shifting to Irene and then she looks away and starts walking again, leaving the other person behind. </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>I lost count of how many times Rosie passed by this living room, and each time she seems to be more drunk. Sometimes she looks at me – as if she wants to kill me –, and other times she purposely avoids my eyes. What the fuck is she trying to accomplish here? </p><p>I don’t even know what I’m still doing at this party. I spent all the time on this damn couch… For real, my butt is starting to hurt. People came to sit next to me and went, but I just didn’t dare move. It feels like I’m trying to break some kind of record here – just like it seems Rosie is, passing by all the time.</p><p>In the corner of the room, I see Chu saying something in Lisa’s ear, before taking her hand and guiding her upstairs. <em>Wow. She finally did it!</em> I’m proud of my girl.</p><p>As they go up, I see Rosie coming down. </p><p>Okay, someone should really take her cup away, she’s clearly wasted already. </p><p>My eyes follow her to the kitchen – where she stays for a few minutes, probably getting a refill –, and then she comes back with her red cup spilling the drink.</p><p>She finally decides to stop here and I feel my heart beating just a little bit faster at the thought that maybe she will talk to me now. </p><p>She takes a long sip of her drink and then goes to the center of the room, where there’s a group of people dancing. She approaches them dancing and some of them make room for her, greeting her with big smiles and big eyes – <em>yeah, who wouldn’t enjoy a hot girl dancing like that next to you</em>. And she really knows how to dance, even drunk as fuck, I’ll give her that. </p><p>I can’t take my eyes off her, not because her body moves in a way that is so so sexy, but because she seems to be out of her mind and, apparently, she doesn’t have any friends to keep an eye on her.</p><p>Rosie takes the last sip of her drink – as if it were the last drop of water in the desert – and throws the cup away. She then decides to look at me, but this time with a smirk on her face. I narrow my eyes. She starts dancing again, not breaking eye contact with me, but my gaze goes to a random dude dancing behind her. I watch him getting closer and closer to her… My blood boils. My fists clenches. I struggle to keep my legs still on the couch as I wait for her to notice this ugly motherfucker. I see his hand slide to her waist and she finally notices him, but instead of walking away or telling him to back off, she just keeps dancing, smiling at me.</p><p>
  <em>Fucking hoe.</em>
</p><p>I get up from the damn couch for the first time since I got in this fucking party and walk straight up to her. I grab her arm and keep walking, dragging her across the room. </p><p>“<em>What the fuck do you think you’re doing?</em>” I ask when we get to the kitchen. </p><p>She looks at my hand, making me realize that I’m holding her arm too tightly and I decide to let go.</p><p>“What? Dancing?” She says laughing and it just pisses me off even more.</p><p>“Did you forget that you have a boyfriend?” I keep staring at her with a straight face. </p><p>“What if I did, Jen? <em>Huh?</em>” She takes a step closer to me. “Would you like that?” The annoying smile never leaving her face. </p><p>I look around and there are a few people in the kitchen with us, but no one seems to be paying attention to their surroundings, so I grab her arm again and now I take her to the bathroom, locking the door behind us. </p><p>“<em>Ouch!</em>” She grunts when I release her. “You’re strong.” </p><p>“Shut the fuck up.”</p><p>I take a red plastic cup that someone left on the sink, wash it and fill it with water from the tap.</p><p>“Drink.” I say extending my arm for her to grab the cup. She needs to sober the fuck up before she does something that she can’t come back from.</p><p>“No?” She laughs. </p><p>God, if she knew just how much she’s pissing me off...</p><p>I don’t even know why I care so much. I should just let her do whatever the fuck she wants, but unfortunately, I do care. I care a lot. </p><p>I grab her chin and take the cup to her mouth. </p><p>“I said drink.”</p><p>She obeys me and drinks the water, her eyes fixed on me. </p><p>“Jen, can I tell you something?” She asks wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. </p><p>“No.” I just know she’s going to say some stupid shit. </p><p>“You’re so hot right now.” </p><p><em>Bitch</em>.</p><p>“Stop talking.” I say turning my head to the side as she gets too close to me. My two hands holding my weight in the sink behind me. </p><p>“I’ve been trying to get your attention all night, you know?” She whispers into my ear and I feel a fever running down my chest, to my stomach and below. </p><p>“<em>Fuck, Chaeyoung.</em>” I struggle letting the words out with the thought that we’re so close that our breasts are touching. “I hate you so much right now.” My voice is barely a whisper, but it can’t be difficult for her to hear it with our faces side by side.</p><p>“You do?” She asks and I close my eyes. <em>Yes, I really do</em>. </p><p>I can’t even get myself to say anything anymore. Why she gotta do this to me? She could’ve had all my attention at any time if she wanted it… But she was the one to shut me out. So why is she doing this right now? And why she gotta be this fucking hot? </p><p>She lets her hand rest on my tummy and starts to kiss my jawline, then my neck. I let her. Her lips are soft on my skin, giving me goose bumps everywhere. But I know how wrong this is. She would never do that if she were sober. Not with me, at least... </p><p>This train of thought is enough to turn me off and make me remember why I was mad at her in the first place. </p><p>“<em>Stop...</em>” I say stepping away from her. She groans in response. “You’re being ridiculous right now, do you know that?” I tilt my head, staring at her. I’m so fucking mad at her and myself for being in this situation. </p><p>“But I like you, Jennie!” She says stumbling on her words. It means nothing to me. </p><p>“I don’t care.” </p><p>I rest my hands on the sink with my eyes down, wondering what to do. I don’t want to look at her stupid face, but I can’t let her here like this either. </p><p>“Jen… I’m feeling sick… <em>I think I’m gonna–</em>” She pukes on the floor before finishing her warning. </p><p>“<em>Fuck!</em> Why didn’t you just–” I stop myself mid sentence, realizing that it’s useless to try to argue with someone in this state. “Hey, get up. Come here.” </p><p>I help her up from the floor, her eyes getting moist. There’s vomit on a lock of her hair and in her hands. </p><p>I clean up the floor with a lot of toilet paper and then I clean Rosie in the sink, washing her face, hands and her hair. I use the toilet paper to dry her and she’s silent all the time, but the second I finish, she looks down and starts to cry. </p><p>“Rosie, it’s okay...” I say caressing her back, looking at her in the mirror in front of us. It breaks my heart seeing her like this.</p><p>She takes her hands to her face, sobbing up, and I wrap her in my arms. </p><p>Why did she have to drink like that? She doesn't seem to be the type of person to do something like this, at all. </p><p>“Where did you leave your jacket?” I ask once the crying subsides, still hugging her. </p><p>“I… I don’t know…” She says between sniffles. </p><p>I take her face in my hands, to look her in the eye, and she tries to avoid my gaze while I wipe her tears. I struggle a little trying to contain the urge to just spread kisses all over her swollen face. “Wait here while I go grab it so we can leave, okay?” </p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“<em>Don’t move!</em>”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>I walk outside, closing the door behind me, hoping she won’t leave and no one will come inside. I gotta make this quick. </p><p>I walk to the living room and bump into Chu. </p><p>“<em>Hey, did you see–</em>” I stop as soon as I notice that she’s crying. “Chu, what happened?” </p><p>“Nothing, I’m leaving.” She says wiping her tears and avoiding my eyes. </p><p>“Jisoo, what the fuck did she do?” Of course it can only be something with Lisa. But <em>what the hell?</em> They seemed so well earlier…</p><p>“<em>Drop it, Jennie!</em>” She stares at me intensely now, her tone sharp. “Just let me go. We’ll talk later.”</p><p>Before I can answer, she rushes to the door. </p><p>I look around trying to find a familiar face and after a few seconds I spot Seulgi. </p><p>I walk over to her and pull her aside. “Hey, Chu just left and she’s not so well. Can you please go after her? I can’t leave yet.”</p><p>“What happened?” She asks with a frown on her face.</p><p>“I don’t know, Seul. Just go after her, <em>please?</em>”</p><p>“Yeah, okay!” She places her cup on the center table, checks if her phone is in her pocket and hurries out.</p><p>
  <em>Okay, now I need to find Rosie’s jacket and Lisa.</em>
</p><p>I go up the stairs, bumping into some drunk people, and when I get to the top I see Lisa leaving a room. I walk over to her and push her into the room again.</p><p>“What the fuck did you do, Lisa?”</p><p>“Jennie, I...” Her eyes are red and her voice shaky. “I didn’t do anything. She got it wrong!”</p><p>“Sure. I bet she did.” I say sarcastically, though I can’t help feeling a bit of empathy for her, she seems to be as sad as Chu. </p><p>“<em>I swear, Jennie! I–</em>”</p><p>“Save it.” I cut her off. I don’t have time to do this right now. I gotta go back to Rosie. “I don’t care what it was, you hurt her. She doesn’t cry easily, you know? So I don’t wanna hear your excuses. Just stay away from her.”</p><p>“Jennie, please–” Her voice getting more shaky as she begs me to hear her out.</p><p>“I mean it, Lisa. Stay the fuck away.” I leave the room slamming the door. </p><p>I go back downstairs and walk around the living room again, looking for the jacket. Not long after, I find it crumpled in the armchair. I try to tidy it up a little by shaking it before finally heading back to the bathroom. </p><p>I open the door to find Rosie passed out on the floor. </p><p>“Rosie... Rosie?” </p><p>I manage to get her to sit down, but obviously I can’t carry her like this, I’m afraid I’m not that strong. “Hey, babe... Wake up, please? Let’s go home.”</p><p>I get her to wake up – at least the amount needed to get up and walk, but I’d say she’s more like sleepwalking –, I put the jacket on her and take her to the dorm. </p><p>I sit her on the bed and gently take off her jacket and shoes, before helping her to lie down. I cover her up and when I turn to leave, she grabs my hand. </p><p>“Stay, please?” She mumbles, her eyes barely opened. </p><p>I sigh, thinking of what to do. </p><p>I’m exhausted. I want to leave. I want to go to my bed, not hers. But she looks so fragile right now… I feel the need to take care of her... So I stay. </p><p>I kick off my shoes and lie down, keeping as much distance as I can from her in this small bed. But then she turns to the other side and guides my arm around her waist. She moves a little, getting comfortable underneath my embrace, and then I feel her fingers softly caressing my hand, before intertwining it. I inhale the perfume of her hair once again. It feels like a decade ago when I first did that... I guess that’s just how much I missed her. It still has the jasmines scent, but I can also smell alcohol now. </p><p>I spend what I imagine to be twenty minutes – or maybe it was thirty – cuddling her, feeling the warmth of her body on mine. My brain won’t stop obsessing over all the stupid questions again. The loudest one being ‘<em>why is she doing this to me?</em>’. </p><p>After making sure she’s completely asleep, I gently place a kiss on her neck and carefully untangle myself from her. I put on my shoes and leave. </p><p>I’m done.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. what is love?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>rosie finally watches the final version of the documentary she filmed with jennie...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>u can listen to cephalotus by crywolf to set the mood :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I don’t know why, but as soon as I open the file, my hands start to sweat. </p><p>Although I helped Jennie edit it a bit, I don’t know what to expect. At that time, it was still pretty raw, and we had no idea how it would look at the end. </p><p><em>I know</em>, her directing and editing skills are top notch, I shouldn’t worry at all! But how could I not when this was supposed to be about love, but she basically hates my guts now? Maybe that’s why she decided she couldn’t do it anymore... </p><p>Okay, I should just watch it already.  </p><p>I wipe my palms down on my pants, take a deep breath, and finally click play. </p><p>The screen is black and there’s a fading guitar sound that I recognize right away. It’s me playing it. But then Jennie’s voice comes up and my heart skips a beat. </p><p>
  <em>They say love can come in many forms...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You might bump into one or another. And you might pass some by. But there’s one that is hard to miss when it gets to you. </em>
</p><p>There’s something about her voice that just makes my heart sink in my chest. A part of me yearned to hear something from her all these days, and now I finally have. </p><p>
  <em>Love can come naturally. The burning sun on your skin. The cool wind rushing through your hair. The soothing sound of the waves crashing on the rocks. </em>
</p><p>The black screen fades, now showing me on a swing, the sun setting in the background. I remember that day. We were just walking around, not knowing what to do. Jun was still here and Jennie still didn’t speak to me at the time – and yeah, I didn’t speak to her either. </p><p>Jennie has always intimidated me for some reason, ever since that day at the restaurant, when I first noticed her. There’s something about her presence that has always kept me uneasy. </p><p>
  <em>Love can come as a passion. You don’t know when it starts. You don’t know why it starts. You just know you need it. You just know it fulfills you. </em>
</p><p>I see me sitting alone in a practice room, singing and playing the guitar. But of course, I wasn’t really alone. Jennie was the one behind the camera, and that’s why I looked so relaxed. </p><p>I wasn’t satisfied with the video we had recorded before, so I asked her if we could do it again. She carefully chose a place where the sound would come out clean, she meticulously set the right light to make it more intimate, and she charmingly talked to me about things I like, just to lighten the mood. </p><p>I was still a little nervous – I didn’t want to mess up in front of her –, so she even sang with me just to make me loosen up. And then everything felt right. </p><p>
  <em>Sometimes, love can come in the details. You find yourself marveling at the smallest things. It has always been there, just waiting to be seen. Lucky you that can witness it.</em>
</p><p>It cuts to a shot of roses, taking up the entire screen. My eyes light up with all the colors and I can’t contain the smile forming on my lips. It looks just like an impressionist painting. Jennie really has to be the best at everything she does, and I just wish I could tell her how proud of her I am right now. </p><p>The camera moves smoothly to show me beside the garden, looking at the flowers. I became too aware of the camera – or the person behind it – and smiled shyly, before turning my face away. </p><p>The bright colors, along with the instrumental song playing through the video, make everything absolutely gorgeous. </p><p>
  <em>Love can come as an ordinary thing. It’s there every day, in the simplest ways. You don’t always acknowledge it, but it’s there. </em>
</p><p>There are clips of me distracted – eating snacks, discovering chords on the guitar, writing something in my notebook, lost in thought... Moments when I completely forgot I was being filmed. </p><p>I let out a chuckle, thinking about our very first fight, when she told me I was boring. We started out so wrong, of course it couldn’t end any differently. </p><p>
  <em>Love can often come as a connection. Shared interests. Shared secrets. Shared feelings. </em>
</p><p>I’m in the practice room again, but this time it’s the behind the scenes of the cover we recorded. The camera is Jennie’s POV and she’s sitting in front of me while we talk. There’s some song playing over the original audio of the video, but I remember we were talking about music – something we did a lot –, and I can still feel the same way I did at that time... That feeling of comfort and security of being around someone who seems to understand you completely. </p><p>She didn’t like to sing in front of people, she said, but she still sang for me. And she’d make fun of her own singing skills – which are actually amazing –, just to praise me. She heard me singing many times, but she’d always react to it as if it were the very first, and as if my voice was worthy of all the Grammys in the world. She’s so silly... And I miss her so much... </p><p>The screen gets blurry, and only then do I realize that my eyes are flooded. I want to take a break to collect myself – or to just cry it all out on my pillow –, but I also want to get to the end of it. I need to see it all.</p><p>
  <em>But love can also come as an addiction. Without it, you go through withdrawal. Something is missing. You need it to feel complete. </em>
</p><p>Her soothing voice creeps into my ears and echoes inside my head. Why is this hurting so much?</p><p>
  <em>And it becomes visible. It becomes touchable. You wanna see it with your eyes and feel it in your hands. You wanna breathe it in your lungs and taste it on your tongue. </em>
</p><p>Her tone gets darker, but still calm. My stomach tightens. </p><p>
  <em>It becomes a part of you. A part so real that it can feel like a mutilation when it’s taken from you. </em>
</p><p>It gets harder for me to understand what she’s saying. </p><p>
  <em>It can show you all the facets you didn’t know you had. It can show you things you didn’t wanna see. But all you have to do is embrace it. </em>
</p><p>The screen fades to black again. </p><p>
  <em>When you find this form of love, you also find yourself. </em>
</p><p>I close the laptop and hop out of bed. <em>I can’t stop crying. Why am I crying?? Why did she say all those things? Where did all this come from? Why did it get to me?</em></p><p>I wipe my tears away with my fingers and try to control my breathing. I need to calm down. I need<br/>
to think... I...<em> I need to talk to her</em>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>after a thousand text messages, rosie finally gets jennie to talk to her, but will it be as she expected?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The city glimmering lights against the dark blue sky strikes me with a gloominess now, a very different feeling from the first time I came here. I was so happy that day, so happy to be with Jennie again. To think she chose to share this secret place with me makes my heart flutter… she always manages to make me feel special somehow. I wish we could just go back to that night, before she let that words slip out of her mouth over the phone… before I got so afraid of being close to her.</p><p>I check on my phone for the nth time, the numbers seemingly static on the screen, but still much higher than when I first looked at it. <em>Did she change her mind? Is she not coming anymore? Or did she never intend to come and was just playing me? No, she wouldn’t do that, she would simply keep on ignoring my texts if that were the case. But what if something happened to her on the way here? Should I text her again? Should I call–</em></p><p>“I hope I didn’t make you wait too long.” I didn’t even hear the door open before Jennie’s voice filled the void in the room. I can feel the anger entering the place with her and a strange shiver runs down my spine. It’s clear in her tone that she don’t mean it. It was very much her intention to keep me waiting. Maybe a punishment I deserve after all.</p><p>I turn to look at her. “Hey...” My voice comes out small and I clear my throat in an attempt not to look so intimidated. I don’t even know how to approach her. If I’m being honest, I think her presence is scaring me a little right now. </p><p>“What do you want?” She asks coldly, walking towards me. </p><p>I stay silent for a moment, not knowing exactly how to answer this. <em>I want everything to go back to normal. I want you to talk to me like before. I want us to be just like we were that night here.</em></p><p>“Why did you say those things?” The words slip out of my mouth. I guess that’s the question on the back of my mind all day.</p><p>After some steps on dirty floor, she stops beside me and her expensive and ever so powerful fragrance enters my body. It fits her presence so well. “What things?” She asks with a straight face.</p><p>“In the project... The things you said about me.” I look down as my voice gets much smaller, revealing my embarrassment to ask this. </p><p>“Oh,” She takes a few seconds to think of an answer. “Hm, I asked your boyfriend to write those.” She turns her gaze to the window, but not to enjoy the view.</p><p>“Don’t lie.” The words slip out of again, firmly this time, as I look at her. </p><p>Even if Jun and I hadn’t had an argument over this already, I would’ve known that he didn’t write any of that. In almost a year of our relationship, he has never said such deep things to me. Not that he doesn’t like me enough, it’s just not his style, I guess. </p><p>She stays silent and I just keep staring at her, waiting for her to talk. I see the bones of her jaw contracting and I just wish I could know what goes on in her mind, what thoughts she’s fighting. I need to know why she said all that. I don’t know why, but I just need to. Everything about her feels like a need right now. </p><p>“Does it matter?” She asks still not facing me. </p><p>“Well, I wanna know!” I say short of patience now.  </p><p>“What do you wanna know exactly, Rosie?” </p><p>“Did you mean all that?” </p><p>“I-” She stutters and looks down for a moment. “I just said whatever bullshit to finish that thing.” </p><p>“You’re lying, Jennie. I don’t believe you.” </p><p>She finally turns to face me and I feel my hands sweating. “Then you already know the answer to your question, Chaeyoung.” My name sounds so dirty in her mouth. </p><p>“I... I don’t know anything.” </p><p>We stay silent for a moment, just staring at each other. I feel my breathing getting heavy, making my chest rise and fall in a not so discreet way, as if my body is expecting something that I don’t really know what it is yet. </p><p>“You know I want you.” </p><p>Her words break into my ears and travel fast through my throat, all the way down to my chest, making my heart go stupidly crazy, and suddenly it’s hard for me to fill my lungs again.</p><p>“I want you so bad, Rosie...” She takes a step closer, her brows furrowed as if it’s painful for her to say this. “I know you know that.” Her voice just so sultry. <em>Oh, god…</em></p><p>I want to take a step back, I want to get far away, but maybe because I don’t feel my legs, I can’t bring my body to move an inch. Just standing this close to her, I feel like I might suffocate at any second, and this anxious feeling now shouldn’t be so damn exhilarating.</p><p>I see her gaze going to my lips as her hands land on my cheeks. I put my hands on top of hers, in an attempt to take it off me, but it just stands there, holding on to hers. What is happening to my body? It just won’t act under my command anymore.</p><p>She looks into my eyes again, as if trying to read it, maybe looking for a reaction. Now so up close, I can see how dark her eyes are, I can see through them how sad she is. It’s not the cat defiant eyes anymore, not the Jennie I’m so used to, and I can’t help wondering if I caused this. I never wanted to hurt her. In fact, I tried to make her happy in every way I could. I enjoyed singing to her, buying her favorite dessert, making her laugh late at night on the phone. I wish I could do that again so I would take all her pain away. </p><p>I feel her thumb softly caressing my cheek and my heart melts under my unrestrained chest. What is it about her that just make me hyper aware of all my senses? She makes me feel things I didn’t know were possible before, even with just a single touch. </p><p>She leans forward and my eyes close. The world dark. The room silent. Her hands on my face. My hands on her hands. Our breaths mingling. Then I feel her lips on mine. </p><p>My mouth opens to let her in. The feel of her tongue licking my bottom lip before making its way to my tongue, slowly stroking it… <em>God</em>, her kiss is the softest I’ve ever felt, her taste is the sweetest, her touch is the best. </p><p>Her hand goes to the back of my neck, where her fingertips crawl up until she can grab a fistful of my hair, tugging it lightly. It does sweet things to my body and a low moan escapes my mouth, before she comes in deeper and faster with her tongue. I let my hands slide down her arms, pressing it gently with my nails. </p><p>How come I never felt this way before? Just her touch right now might make my whole body give out and I definitely want her to take everything I have. No one has ever managed to intoxicate me like this, not even Jun–</p><p><em>Fuck!</em> What am I doing? I– I still have Jun. I can’t–</p><p>“Jennie,” I gasp out of breath. “I can’t...” As soon as I say it, I feel a tear oozing down my left cheek. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be doing this. This is all so wrong. </p><p>“You can’t deny this, Rosie... <em>Please</em>.” She cups my cheeks in her hands and rests her forehead against mine. </p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I force myself to say. “You’ve got me mistaken, Jennie.” I finally take her hands off me and turn to the other side. My cheeks already missing the warmth of her touch.</p><p>She chuckles bitterly, walking away. “Right.”</p><p>“Jennie, I…” I try to swallow the tears threatening to come out. “I never wanted this. That’s not how I like you and that’s why I distanced myself from you in the first place.” </p><p>“Wrong. You distanced yourself from me because you knew you wanted it, but you couldn’t admit.” Her voice getting louder, harsher. </p><p>“<em>You’re wrong!</em> This... <em>This is wrong!</em> You know I have a boyfriend, Jennie. You know I have Jun.”</p><p>“And how the fuck do you explain what just happened?”</p><p>“Nothing happened.” It was just a kiss, it doesn’t have to mean anything…</p><p>“You can’t be serious right now.” She starts walking back and forth with her hand on her forehead. “What happened now only proves that we were never really just friends. I know you felt the same as me. I <em>know</em> it!”</p><p>“We're just friends...” I say with a low voice, almost embarrassed to say it. “I didn’t feel anything.” My heart clenches, knowing that I’m probably hurting her right now. </p><p>She scoffs shaking her head. “That's bullshit and you know it.”</p><p>“Jennie, I love Jun–” </p><p>“Oh, <em>shut the fuck up!</em>” She shouts, startling me. “I know you don't love him! Why are you lying to yourself? <em>Fuck's sake, Chaeyoung!</em> He were gone for weeks and you barely gave a fuck because you had <em>me</em> here!”</p><p>That’s… That’s not true. I missed him these days, I… She wasn’t a replacement for him, she was just a new friend.</p><p>“I- <em>You don't know this! You can't talk for me! I love him!</em>” I snap. She doesn’t know anything about what I feel, she can’t say things like that.</p><p>“Cut the crap, will you? If I had let, you would’ve fucked me already at that party, so just stop, please. This is ridiculous.” </p><p>“What… What are you talking about?” </p><p>She chuckles. “Of course you don’t remember. So convenient…” She mumbles to herself.</p><p>“Remember <em>what</em>, Jennie?”</p><p>Is this about when I blacked out? It can’t be…</p><p>“Mmm, you kissing my neck, telling me just how fucking hot I was...” She walks closer with a pretentious smile plastered on her face. “Ring a bell, babe?”</p><p>“I...” Did I really? “No, I don’t remember any of this.” I say taking a step back.</p><p>“Yeah, but it happened.” She says nonchalantly.</p><p>I put my face in my hands, trying to wrap my head around all this. </p><p>If I really did it, I need to stay as far from her as possible. Fuck, where did I get myself into? I shouldn’t be doing that kind of thing, and I definitely shouldn’t feel the way I do with her. I’m not like this… This has to stop. I feel like the worst person in the world right now.</p><p>“Well, as you said, I was <em>drunk</em>. And for all I know, you could be lying.” I toss the words out, although I know she would never make this up. I did it. I know I did it, and I hate myself for it. I need her to get away from me. </p><p>She just stares at me for a moment and I can almost see the flames igniting in her eyes. I have to look away. I can’t hold her gaze.</p><p>“I honestly can’t believe you’re saying this shit.”</p><p>“Well, I am.”</p><p>She tilts her head back, taking her hands to her face. “Oh god, <em>you’re such a bitch, Chaeyoung!</em> I swear to god, you’re just an <em>absolute joke!</em>” Her tone have me screwing my eyes shut, as if her words could hit me anytime. “<em>Why the fuck</em> did you came after me again? <em>Huh?</em>” She looks at me fuming with rage, her eyes red. I can’t say anything, I don’t think she wants me to. “Let’s just rewind that real quick, shall we?” She starts walking again, impatiently. “First you start calling me at night, like you fucking needed me – when we both know you could’ve called your boyfriend or any of your other little friends. Then, you make yourself just so fucking available to me all the time… so eager to please me, recording songs for me, always interested in getting to know me better, to know the things I like… All this when you fucking knew what was going on already. I know you knew it before I told you on that fucking call. But I guess it was easy for you to pretend you didn’t know any better when it was just us, right? Your pathetic boyfriend was so far away…” </p><p>“That’s not–”</p><p>“Shut up, I’m not done yet.” She commands and I obey. “But then I had to mess it up... <em>Damn me!</em> I just had to make it real and fuck it all up for you.” She laughs bitterly, nodding to herself. “And you’re <em>such</em> a good girl, aren’t you? You couldn’t keep doing it anymore. You couldn’t do that to your boyfriend, so you decided it was okay to pretend nothing happened, and that I just didn’t exist. It was so easy for you to just shut me out, right, Rosie? And just <em>fuck my feelings!</em> They’re not your problem, right?” She shakes her head in disbelief. The tears flow freely on my cheeks. “Maybe you really were right, you know? I’m to blame for being there for you all the time. I’m to blame for letting you use me. I’m to blame for caring so much about you that I lent myself to pitiful situations in which I would never allow myself to be in.” Her words feel like daggers in my chest, I can’t believe she really feels that way. “I’m to blame for believing that maybe now you were ready to be <em>fucking honest</em> with me, because you just insisted so much, Rosie… I couldn’t let you so desperate like that. Not when I was so fucking desperate too.”</p><p>“This is not...” I try to say between sobs. “It wasn’t like that, Jen...” </p><p>“And why did you push me to tell you what I meant in that fucking project? <em>Fuck, you make no sense!</em> You wanted me to admit that I’m in love with you and for <em>what</em>? For you to tell me that we’re nothing but friends? Is this just to feed your ego or what?” I want her to stop, but I know she isn’t done yet. “I had already left you alone, you didn’t have to deal with me and my stupid feelings anymore, so why the fuck did you insist on talking to me again? Why the fuck did you insist that I tell you how I really like you? Please, <em>enlighten me!</em>”</p><p>I try to speak, but only sobs come out, echoing through the room. Jennie keeps me under her deep gaze, but I see her features soften a little after sighs. </p><p>“Stop crying,” She says, turning to the other side. “You have no right to be like this right now.”</p><p>I take deep breaths, trying to swallow it all up – the tears and her words. Is it so wrong that I just wanted to be close to her? I wasn’t doing anything in bad faith, I swear. I didn’t mean to hurt her, I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. </p><p>“<em>It wasn’t like that!</em>” My voice comes out louder than I expected and I feel the blood boiling on my face. “<em>You’re distorting everything!</em> You weren’t a replacement for my boyfriend, you were just someone new, someone I wanted to be friends with. And I really thought you enjoyed the moments we spent together too…” My voice cracks.</p><p>“Of course I enjoyed it.” Her voice much calmer, making me want to lower my tone as well.</p><p>“Then why are you saying all this right now? As if I had forced you into something.”</p><p>“That’s not what I’m saying...” She shakes her head looking down.</p><p>“I’m sorry if I enjoyed spending time with you, okay? I’m sorry if I felt like it was okay to call you, when clearly it wasn’t. I’m sorry if I wanted to get to know you better and ended up just being an inconvenience to you.” </p><p>She bites her lip, probably trying to hold her temper. “You know damn well what you really should be sorry for and that’s not it.” </p><p>“<em>Stop, Jennie!</em> For fuck’s sake, just <em>stop</em>!” I’m almost begging her to stop hurting me at this point.</p><p>“Stop what? Speaking the truth? I won’t make it easy for you this time.” She scoffs. “You were the one who begged for this talk. Now you fucking take it.”</p><p>“God, I...” My eyes start to burn again. “I just wanted you back, I just wanted us to be friends again. That’s why I went after you.”</p><p>“We were never friends, stop saying that.” </p><p>“I missed you so much…” I bring my hands up to the level of my chest and nervously pinch my palm, avoiding Jennie’s eyes. “But this… This is not right.”</p><p>She walks over to me, but I only notice when she’s already grabbing my wrists and pinning me against the cold glass wall. Her hands almost hurting my breasts, where she presses my arms.</p><p>“You know this feeling…” She says in my ear, so close that her lips brush my skin and I feel myself drowning in high water again. “It’s good, right? You like how my voice vibrates so close to your ear, don’t you? Or how my body is pressing so good against yours...” </p><p>“<em>Jennie...</em>” I say under my breath, my legs almost giving out.</p><p>“He won’t make you feel that…” </p><p>“Don't do this to me, <em>please</em>.” I don’t even know what I’m begging for exactly. I don’t want to be with her. I don’t want to cheat on Jun. But my body... It definitely feels something else. God, I need her so much right now, this is torture. </p><p>“Don't worry, Rosie.” She says. “I won't do anything to you.” She takes a deep breath, as if trying to store all of me in her lungs, and then releases my arms, walking away from me. “Lose my number.”</p><p>I’m left with the hard slam of the door echoing through the large empty room, and the weight of guilt falls just as heavy on me. I let my body sink to the floor and the tears run freely down my face.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. bitter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>an eventful month went by since the last time jennie and rosie talked, but now they get to be at the same place - along with some elephants in the room.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>beware the smut! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <h5>CHAEYOUNG</h5>
  
</div><p>The door is wide open and I just follow Lisa and Jisoo inside, with Sana and Momo following me. There are already a lot of people and the music is loud, which disturbs me a little. I probably need a drink or two to get in the mood.</p><p>“Hey, girls!” Lucas greets us cheerfully.</p><p>Lisa engages in a conversation with him and I see Jisoo rolling her eyes – she absolutely hates his guts now. Sana and Momo are too deep in some random topic that I don’t have the energy or the will to catch up to, so I just stay in my own bubble, looking around the room.</p><p>Among some guests I can’t recognize, I see Jun drinking and talking enthusiastically with his friends. He seems okay, I guess. Looking back on everything we’ve been through, we don’t really need to be friends, but I just hope he doesn’t hate me.</p><p>As I’m looking further in, I hear a familiar voice coming from the other side.</p><p>“<em>Aw</em>, you two look so cute together!” Jennie says in her usual teasing tone to Lisa and Jisoo.</p><p>I hate how my heart flutter when I turn around to see her. She has an eyeliner reinforcing her cat eyes, and is wearing a dark long sleeve crop top and denim shorts. I don’t know if it’s just because I haven’t seen her in a while, but there’s something about her that is hitting different now. She’s strikingly pretty.</p><p>“I agree!” Lisa says, leaning her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder.</p><p>“You really have to get here already being the most annoying person ever.” Jisoo replies.</p><p>It’s entertaining how the two of them have completely opposite reactions to everything.</p><p>“Can’t I be excited to see my favorite couple?” Jennie fakes a cute pout.</p><p>“No, you see us every day.”</p><p>“And I just can’t never get enough!”</p><p>I watch closely each lift of her eyebrows, each twitch of her lips, each tilt of her head. I missed her face, I missed her voice, I missed everything about her. She’s really just one of those people gifted with a natural charm, she doesn’t need to pretend anything. I could watch her for hours.</p><p>When her eyes suddenly catch me, I reflexively look away – perhaps not very subtly. Before I can plunge into my embarrassment, Sana steps forward.</p><p>“<em>Jennie!</em>” She says with excessive excitement.</p><p>“Hey,” Jennie’s eyes light up and I see her face flush a little. <em>Wow, she’s really into her, huh?</em> “You look nice.” She adds with a smile.</p><p>I can’t believe she’s doing this in front of me…</p><p>“I had to make an effort.” Sana quipped, running a hand through her hair.</p><p>“I doubt that.”</p><p>A squeeze on my hand inhibits the anger that grows on my nerves and I turn my head to see Jisoo giving me a knowing look. Am I being that obvious or did Lisa say something to her?</p><p>“Let’s get a drink.” She suggests and I just nod, letting her take me.</p><p>Once we are too far to be heard by our friends, she asks me, “Are you okay?”</p><p>I can’t get myself to answer, too afraid that my voice will betray me, so I just nod again.</p><p>“Hey, you know you can talk to me, right?” She looks intently into my eyes, trying to comfort me.</p><p>“You’re friends with her.” I simply say.</p><p>“That doesn’t mean I agree with everything she does,” She says cocking her eyebrows. “And if you’re worried that I’m gonna say something to her, I won’t.”</p><p>“I appreciate it, Jisoo. Really.” I give her a sincere smile. “But there’s nothing to talk about now.”</p><p>“Okay,” She returns the smile. “So let’s just get our drinks and enjoy the party.”</p><p>“That’d be nice.” I say, though I doubt I’ll be enjoying anything tonight.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think there’s something <em>more</em> between them?” I ask Momo, as nonchalant as I can, gazing at Jennie and Sana in a corner of the room. They’re talking for a long time now and I keep wondering if they ever run out of things to say, but apparently not.</p><p>Momo shifts on the couch and follows my gaze, “Of course not, Sana is incapable of committing to anyone.”</p><p>“That sounded… bitter.” I note.</p><p>She rolls her eyes, “<em>Please</em>, you know I’m not capable either, and that’s why our deal works.”</p><p>“Gosh, how can you live like that?” I ask, not taking my eyes off the couple across the room.</p><p>“How can I live having a hot friend to hook up with whenever I feel like it?” She says sarcastically. “It’s not so difficult, maybe you should give it a try.”</p><p>“I’ll pass.” I say, trying to keep my cool at the sight of Jennie cracking up at something Sana said to her. “But they seem to get along well…” I return to the subject.</p><p>“Yeah, but it’s Sana we’re talking about…” She’s got a point, Sana get along with everyone, but it still doesn’t lessen my nuisance. “Why are you so focused on them, anyway?”</p><p>“I– I don’t know, there’s just not much to do here, I guess.” I take a sip of my drink to try and disguise my nervousness with the question.</p><p>“In this mood, there really isn’t, but if you just cheer up a bit…”</p><p>My view is blocked by a slim figure with clothes that I already recognize, “Hey.” He says.</p><p>“Hi, Jun.” I reply, looking up at him.</p><p>“Can we talk?”</p><p>Momo takes this as her cue to leave – much to my dismay –, and he takes her place.</p><p>“About what?” I ask, already knowing the answer.</p><p>“…us.” He says hesitantly.</p><p>“Jun…”</p><p>“Please?”</p><p>“There’s nothing more to be said.”</p><p>I take a sip of my drink, hoping it will give me the strength to endure this conversation, but instead, it just adds to my annoyance that it tastes really bad now that the ice has melted.</p><p>“Of course there is,” He insists. “You barely explained what made you change your mind, and you didn’t give me the chance to talk either.”</p><p>I ignore the first sentence, because I’m not going to explain anything to him, but I give in to the latter, thinking it may be the quickest way to end this conversation, “Okay, what do you wanna say?”</p><p>“Look, I know I was gone for quite a while, and maybe I should really have made an effort to be more available when you needed me, but I was going through a hard time, my mind wasn’t in the right place…”</p><p>“Jun, I know–”</p><p>“Wait,” He takes my hand before continuing, “I know you said you’re confused and all that, but we were so good before I left, can’t you remember that?”</p><p>To be completely honest, I remember us being okay. Just that. I can’t imagine myself going back to that, not anymore.</p><p>“I remember, Jun, but we can’t go back now.”</p><p>“Why not?” He asks caressing my fingers.</p><p>“It’s in the past,” I retract my hand from his grip, shifting it to hold my drink. “It’s gone.”</p><p>“I’m a hundred percent sure we can go back to that, Chae. We just have to give it some time, you know? Maybe if we…”</p><p>He keeps talking, but my attention is back on the other side of the room. The enthusiastic conversation now seems to have shifted to something more intimate, which makes my body uneasy. I fluctuate my gaze between them and Jun, so that he doesn’t realize where my attention really is.</p><p>“…I won’t question you anymore, really, I’ll just try my best to make you feel…”</p><p>Sana approaches to say something in Jennie’s ear, and Jennie’s hand goes to her waist. My leg starts to tremble and my grip on the cup increases enough to crumple it a little. They’re so close to–</p><p>“Enough.” I interrupt his monologue, “I know you like me, I know you want us to try again, but it’s not gonna happen. Just get that inside your head.”</p><p>I get up, depriving him of any chance to retort, and walk away.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>The loud music is drowned out by the kitchen door I shut closed. Fortunately, there’s no one here and I can sulk all by myself, without having to fake another smile to avoid being questioned by my friends. A few more minutes watching Jennie with Sana, or hearing Jun’s voice would snatch what’s left of my temper. It was definitely not a good idea to come here tonight, I’m not ready to deal with any of this.</p><p>I pour more vodka in my cup, as this light drink is not doing anything to me when I need it most. I walk over to the sink and lean back with my arms folded across my chest. The blazing liquid goes down my throat like a scratch and I squint my eyes to take it.</p><p>“Not having much fun?”</p><p>I almost choke on my drink when Jennie enters the kitchen, and I can’t tell if the burning in my stomach is because of the alcohol or because of her. It’s been more than a month since our last conversation… That night almost feels like just a dream now, except that I can still remember her touch like it was yesterday. I definitely didn’t expect her to talk to me tonight.</p><p>“Oh, I’m having the most fun ever!” I say in the most ironic way possible, although I did not foresee it.</p><p>She chuckles. “I can see that.”</p><p>“And you came here just to laugh at me?”</p><p>“I just wanted to get a drink, actually.” She places two cups on the kitchen island, leaning forward a little to grab the bottle of vodka that was once in my hand.</p><p>“There are drinks on the table outside.” I mention.</p><p>“Well, I wanted to get it here.” She says, convincing me that she really came here just to see my misery.</p><p>“Mhm.” I bite on the rim of the cup, watching her. “Now you really are having the most fun, aren’t you?”</p><p>“Well, kind of.” She says unprovoked, pouring the drink into one of the cups. I find myself marveling at how the bones of her hands are marked. It’s somewhat pleasant.</p><p>“Great.”</p><p>She looks at me, a confused frown on her face. “What?”</p><p>“Nothing. Just glad that you’re happy.” I lie.</p><p>“Doesn’t look like it.” She sneers.</p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“Like you’re glad.” She puts the bottle back on the counter, after filling the other cup, and glances at me.</p><p>“And what does it look like?” I ask on an impulse.</p><p>Before she can answer, the door swings open and Sana comes in.</p><p>“Chae!” She shouts walking towards me. “What are you doing here? Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m just hiding from Jun.” I tell her the half truth.</p><p>Jennie is finishing up the drinks, and I notice her glancing at me when I mention his name.</p><p>“I can make you company if you want.” Sana offers.</p><p>The thought of accepting it just so she can’t be with Jennie crosses my mind, but I shake it. I can’t be this awful to her, even if I’m mad right now.</p><p>“No, it’s okay,” I reply, faking the best smile I can. “I actually think I need a moment, but I’ll be back there soon.”</p><p>“Okay, but if you change your mind...”</p><p>“Thanks, Sana.”</p><p>She walks over to Jennie and accepts the cup offered at her, taking it to her mouth right away.</p><p>“Mm, this is good.” Sana says licking her lips.</p><p>“Of course, I made it.” Jennie teases.</p><p>“So full of yourself, aren’t you?” Sana says, lowering her tone in a seductive way, making my blood boil.</p><p>I take a deep breath to try and hold myself in place. Can’t they just get a room? A room I’m not in? I feel like I’m paying for all my sins right at this moment, this is definitely hell.</p><p>Jennie – or <em>the little devil</em> – gives her damn smirk to my friend, and then gives me a final glance before heading out.</p><p>I release the breath I was holding and finish my drink in one mouthful.</p><p>I hate the way she’s making me bitter over my own friends now. I know Sana wouldn’t be with her if she knew how it makes me feel, but I don’t have the guts to tell her. In fact, I don’t think I have the right to do that. And now I feel like the worst friend ever, because I can’t help but resent her a little.</p><p> </p><p>-</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <h5>JENNIE</h5>
  <p> </p>
</div><p>Sana is telling me about a drama she recently watched – after I told her how I spend most of my time on Netflix –, and I’m surprisingly interested in what she’s saying. She has a captivating way of telling stories and she’s also very funny.</p><p>We already had a few to drink and I feel a little numb, but I don’t miss how she gets closer and closer to me as she speaks. I definitely could’ve kissed her by now, but where’s the fun in that? We have all night, after all.</p><p>“…and when he notices how disgusted the protagonist is getting, he goes like <em>what? you think this is human meat?</em>”</p><p>“No fucking way!” I exclaim.</p><p>“For real! He’s so hot.” She sighs.</p><p>“Oh, should I cook a human liver for you?” I tease her.</p><p>“Are you asking me out on a date?” She asks with a smirk, making me smile.</p><p>“I don’t know, I’m a little concerned about your type…”</p><p>“I have a peculiar taste, what’s wrong with that?” She claims jokingly and I laugh along with her. “But seriously, you should watch it, I think you’d like. And the soundtrack is amazing too.”</p><p>When I open my mouth to reply, I’m snipped by the force of arms against my shoulders, making me go a step back.</p><p>“<em>What the fuck?</em>” I shout at Seulgi.</p><p>“What’s wrong with you, Jennie? <em>Huh?</em>” She snaps. “You think it’s cool what you’re doing?”</p><p>I have no idea what she’s talking about and it makes a rage growl inside me to be called out like that. Who the fuck she think she is?</p><p>“You could at least have the decency not to be with someone else in front of her! To pretend that you care!” She continues, and then it comes to me. She’s talking about Irene, of course. Who else would make her go mad like that?</p><p>“I won’t discuss this with you right now,” I say. “If you wanna say something to me, you can say it later in private, instead of making a scene here.”</p><p>“Next time you’re feeling down, go get some treatment instead of going after Irene. You don’t deserve her.”</p><p>I’ve been ignoring the way she’s been treating me for the past couple weeks, but I won’t let her talk to me like that. I don’t care how good her reasons are.</p><p>“Oh, please, don’t act like you’re not just jealous ‘cause she never chose you.” I say knowing it will definitely touch a nerve.</p><p>The next few seconds happen so fast that I don’t even see anything, I can only feel a pressure in my mouth and next thing I know I’m falling onto a cabinet behind me. I hear the sound of shattering glass and then I look down to find my right hand bleeding, holding my weight onto broken pieces of a vase that rested on the furniture before I hit it.</p><p>The music stops and I hear Seulgi apologizing to me, but I only look up again when my face is forced by desperate hands.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Rosie asks me with her face just inches away from mine. Her eyes are wide, scanning my entire face to make sure I’m okay.</p><p>I get a good look at her face too, but because I kind of missed it. “Yeah.” I mumble, feeling my lip slightly swollen.</p><p>I hear Jisoo scolding Seulgi in the background, but I can’t really pay attention to them when Rosie is this close. How can she still affect me?</p><p>“Jen, your hand!” She shouts, snapping me out of my daze.</p><p>I look at it again and see that I’m absentmindedly still pressing my palm onto the cutting pieces. I finally get up, releasing my weight from my hand, that comes out with a few pieces stuck to it and a lot of blood. Only then, without the pressure on it, do I feel the pain. The throbbing in my palm is strong and I have to hold my wrist to try and keep it still.</p><p>“Come here.” Rosie places her hand on my lower back and takes me across the room, under prying eyes around us.</p><p>Once we get to the kitchen, she takes my hand to get a better look at it.</p><p>“Oh my god,” Her eyes grows wide, “I think we should go to the hospital, this is looking really bad!”</p><p>“No.” I say right away, “No hospital.”</p><p>“Jennie, you know it’s super dangerous to cut your hand like that, you could lose the movement of your fingers and–”</p><p>“Can you stop being dramatic?” I cut her pointless rambling.</p><p>“I’m not being dramatic,” She growls. “You are being stubborn. You need to go to the hospital.” She insists.</p><p>“I don’t,” I say. “I’ll just take these out and–”</p><p>She holds my wrist mid air, before I can reach my injured hand.</p><p>“<em>Ugh, you’re so–</em>” She sighs. “I’ll do it. Just sit here.” She points to a stool behind me.</p><p> </p><p>-</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <h5>CHAEYOUNG</h5>
  
</div><p>I can’t ignore the fact that I’m holding her hand, and that we’re standing so close to each other. I try to shake the feeling, but the butterflies won’t go away. To make it even worse, every time I turn my gaze to her eye – because I just can’t help it –, she’s already looking at me.</p><p>“What?” She asks, after the third time it happens.</p><p>“<em>What</em> what?” I play dumb, focusing again on the small piece of glass I’m taking out of her palm.</p><p>“You’re looking at me like this.”</p><p>“It’s nothing.”</p><p>After an excruciatingly long moment of silence, my eyes drift to her face again, and she catches me with a raise of her eyebrows.</p><p>“Nothing.” I repeat firmly.</p><p>“You don’t need to do this if it’s uncomfortable to you.”</p><p>“It’s not that. It’s just–” I shake my head and stop mid sentence, unsure of what to say. “Nothing.”</p><p>“Fuck’s sake, just say it, Chaeyoung.” She says in a bored but impatient tone. Her temper is the size of a pea.</p><p>“It’s nothing, Jennie!”</p><p>“You’re the worst liar ever.” She sighs, giving up.</p><p>I press just a little too hard on the cut I’m cleaning.</p><p>“<em>Ouch!</em>” She cries out and I almost feel sorry. Almost.</p><p>I look at her with a grin, “<em>Oops!</em>”</p><p>“Whatever,” She roll her eyes. “Just get it over with, will you?”</p><p><em>Ugh</em>, she can be so insufferable when she wants to.</p><p>“If you just be quiet, I can do it faster.”</p><p>“I am quiet.”</p><p>“You’re literally speaking right now.”</p><p>“No, I’m not.”</p><p>God, she’s–</p><p>“Shut up, Jennie.” I mutter.</p><p>“<em>Shut up, Jennie.</em>” She repeats in a ridiculous thin voice, trying very hard to annoy me.</p><p>“How old are you?” I ask getting up from my stool, still pressing the cloth against her palm. “Hold this tight.”</p><p>“Where are you going?”</p><p>“I need to find something to bandage your hand.”</p><p>I open the same drawer where I found the cloth I was using to clean her cuts and look for something I can tie in her hand.</p><p>After I finish patching her up, I look at the bruise on her face, where Seulgi punched her. It’s only a tiny cut on the tip of her lip, slightly purple and swollen. She’s still sitting on the stool, while I’m standing in front of her, and she looks so much like a soft little baby now that a compulsive need to care for her grows inside me.</p><p>“Can I clean your lips?” I ask her, already taking the damp cloth from the counter.</p><p>She looks at me with a frown, “Is it dirty?”</p><p>I can’t hold a giggle, “It’s just a small cut.”</p><p>“Oh, okay.” She shrugs.</p><p>I hold her chin up with my right hand, and with my left I take the cloth to her mouth. I rub it gently, being careful not to hurt her, as it must be sore.</p><p>As I clean her bruise, I notice her labored breathing and slowly bring my eyes up to meet hers. She’s staring at me with deep brown eyes that suddenly make my breathing heavier too.</p><p>The noise of the party outside suddenly enters the kitchen when the door opens. I turn around to see Jun. I can tell he’s upset and I don’t like it one bit.</p><p>He completely ignores my presence and addresses Jennie, “What did you do to my girlfriend?”</p><p>“What?” She gasps, narrowing her eyes.</p><p>“I know you’re into her.” He says.</p><p>“Jun, stop!” I intervene, feeling ashamed of his manners, but he doesn’t even spare me a glance.</p><p>Jennie gets up to face him, “And what about it?”</p><p>Wait, she didn’t deny…</p><p>He lets out a heavy, furious breath, “You think it’s okay to hit on someone who’s taken?”</p><p>“Jun, stop it!” I say again, louder. “You’re being a total jerk right now.”</p><p>Jennie keeps her eyes locked on him, almost without blinking at all, “You should listen to her.”</p><p>He takes a full look at her, from her eyes to her hand, and says, “You fucking deserved it.”</p><p>Jennie steps even closer to him, and I notice her fists clenching – even the one injured, which must hurt. Although I know deep in my soul that Jun wouldn’t actually do anything to her, I still feel the need to stand between them.</p><p>I place my hand on his chest, forcing him to take a step back, “Back off, Jun.”</p><p>“Are you seriously taking her side?” He asks through gritted teeth, finally acknowledging my presence. “What the fuck did she turn you into?”</p><p>I know damn well what he really means by this question and before I can process anything, an adrenaline rush runs through my veins and my palm is already meeting his face.</p><p>The room is silent for a few seconds after that, until Jennie’s chuckle breaks off, which makes Jun give her a death glare.</p><p>“Leave,” I order him. “<em>Now</em>, please.”</p><p>He looks at me in a way I’ve never seen in all this time I spend with him, and then takes a few steps back, before actually turning around and leaving.</p><p>“Wow, I didn’t know you had it in you.” Jennie remarks.</p><p>“Jennie, not now.” I cut her off.</p><p>“Are you feeling bad? He totally deserved it!”</p><p>“Of course you would say that.”</p><p>I didn’t want things to get to this extent with him, and although I know it’s not her fault, I’m already upset enough to take her banters.</p><p>“Oh, just go after him then,” She snaps. “I don’t need you, anyways.”</p><p>“Yeah,” I nervously run a hand through my hair, “I know you have plenty of other girls to take care of you.”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“Exactly what I said. Do you want me to get Irene for you? Or Sana? Or maybe someone else I’m not aware of?” I blurt out, letting everything I felt this past week come to me.</p><p>She stares at me intently for a few seconds before asking, “Are you jealous?”</p><p>“No, I really don’t care.” I lie, not really trying to make me believable.</p><p>“Then why do you sound so fucking bitter right now?” She asks flatly.</p><p>I fake a smile and try to put it as simple as possible, “It’s just nice to see how one day you were saying you liked me and then the next day you were fucking one of your friends, and then one of mine.” I feel my entire body burning just to think of that. Saying it out loud to her face makes it somewhat worse.</p><p>She scoffs, shaking her head, and squeezes her injured hand twice, glancing down and then looking up at me again. I know she’s getting angry and it scares me a little bit, but I can’t say I wasn’t trying to get a reaction from her.</p><p>“And you care now?” She asks.</p><p>“No, I don’t.”</p><p>“Sure.” She glances at her hand again, nodding at herself.</p><p>I try to block the concern that her hand is hurting, I can’t soften now. I can’t just let it go and beg her to let me take care of her. She did say she doesn’t need me after all.</p><p>She looks at me and says calmly, “I should just be alone while you fucked your boyfriend, is that it?”</p><p>“I didn’t say that–”</p><p>“What are you saying then?” She tilts her head, “It’s hard as fuck to understand you, you know?”</p><p>My heart breaks a little to hear her say that, for whatever reason.</p><p>“You don’t need to understand me,” I turn my head to the side, feeling the burning in my eyes, “Just go get the help of one of your many girls that you sure must understand a lot.” I wipe the tear that runs down my cheek.</p><p>“No, I want to understand you now.” Her tone is calm, but full of sarcasm, “Did you want me to just be sulking in my room all day long, imagining all kinds of things you were doing to him? ‘Cause you know, I actually did it. I did it for days until I realized how fucking pathetic it was.”</p><p>“I’m not with him anymore, Jennie!” I clarify, “We broke up two weeks after he got back, and in that time we barely even kissed, okay?” I feel the need to explain myself to her. I want her to know this, even though I know she did much more with other girls.</p><p>She looks at me for a while, her prettiness striking me hard. When she finally speaks, her voice is lower, “Really?”</p><p>“Yes, really.” I contend. “I couldn’t do anything with him anymore. Or anyone else, probably.” Not that I tried with someone else, but how could I when all I can think about is her?</p><p>“Oh–” She stammered, blinking her eyes swiftly.</p><p>“Too bad you can’t say the same.” I can’t help setting myself up for the suffering of getting her to admit it.</p><p>She takes both hands to her face, brushing her eyebrows slowly.</p><p>“Yes, Rosie, I was with Irene,” The words hit me hard, as I expected. “But I was with her because I needed to forget you. I couldn't bare the idea that you were with someone else. Fuck, I'm so tired of this!” She exclaims and I’m not sure what she means exactly. Is she tired of me? “I used people I care about and for what? It didn’t even work. Every time I was with her, you were the one in my fucking head!“</p><p>“<em>Fuck, Jennie!</em>” I snap, tears streaming down my face, “What do you expect me to say? Should I be flattered by that? Should I be flattered that you were fucking other girls thinking of me? Are you serious right now? God, <em>you're so fucked up!</em>”</p><p>My stomach aches with anger burning hard inside me. I wanted her to prove me wrong, I wanted her to tell me that she couldn’t be with anyone else too.</p><p>“No, but you can’t blame me either. You didn’t want me! You turned me down!”</p><p>“Jennie, I had a boyfriend!” I spit the words, “I was confused, and I still am. You can’t expect me to just understand it all overnight–”</p><p>“I never asked you to! But there were definitely better ways to deal with this, instead of fucking me up like you did.”</p><p>“I <em>what?</em>” I ask, “Are you kidding me? I didn’t do anything!”</p><p>“Oh, take responsibility for your actions, for fuck’s sake.” She says rolling her eyes.</p><p>“<em>You</em> take responsibility for your actions!” I walk closer to her, “You could’ve stopped whatever was going on between us the moment you realized you were feeling something for me! That is if you ever really felt something at all.” I add shoving the tears off my face.</p><p>The fire inside me turns into butterflies when Jennie suddenly approaches and kisses me hard, leaving no room for me to think or to breathe at all.</p><p>She takes a fistful of my hair and pulls my head back, stopping the kiss as abruptly as it started. I open my eyes and her gaze on me seems to go deep into my soul.</p><p>“Don’t doubt my feelings for you.” She says under her breath.</p><p>“So why did you sleep with other girls?” I ask crying, my voice barely understandable between sobs.</p><p>“Rosie, you weren’t here…” She replies, wiping my tears with her thumbs.</p><p>“Why did you have to get one of my friends?” The tears fall harder, “You don’t know how much it hurt me.”</p><p>“We didn’t do anything.”</p><p>“But you would. You will.”</p><p>She presses her forehead against mine, “I won’t.”</p><p>I take a deep breath, trying to contain the sobs, “You promise?”</p><p>“I promise.” She holds my jaw and spread kisses across my face, from my mouth to my ear. “<em>I promise.</em>” She whispers, making my heart race.</p><p>The way her words affect me makes me wonder, have I ever really felt anything at all for anyone before her? Everything I thought was love or passion seems so superficial now, and it terrifies me a little. There’s no denying it, I’m completely under her control.</p><p>Jennie closes our gap again, her tongue deep in my mouth as her hands work on my neck, the cloth around her wounds brushing my skin. I suck on her lip, only remembering her bruise when a hiss escapes her mouth.</p><p>“I’m sorry!” I say caressing her face.</p><p>“Don’t worry about it.”</p><p>“Does it hurt?”</p><p>“Only enough.” She says before crashing her lips into mine.</p><p>She thrusts me against the counter and presses her thigh between my legs. The contact makes me whimper and before I can help myself, I’m slowly grinding on her.</p><p>“It’s okay,” She says on my lips. “You can do it.”</p><p>I thought I was already turned on, but the way she says those words – allowing me to do it –, makes my center throb and I grind harder, holding myself with both hands on the edge of the counter behind me.</p><p>“Mmh,” She mutters. “Just like that.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <h5>JENNIE</h5>
  
</div><p>I suck on her neck, not worried if she’ll have to find a way to cover the hickeys tomorrow. She’s riding my thigh faster, just the thin and completely damp layer of her panties between our skins, the grip of it driving me crazy. I could let her get herself off, but now why would I do that?</p><p>I roam my left hand down her chest to her tiny waist, resting there a little so I can enjoy the wonders of it moving back and forth. Then I move my hand to her belly and slide my fingers down all the way to her center, retracting my leg.</p><p>I sigh at how fucking wet she is, and she moans at how my fingers touch her clit. I stroke it slowly, letting it go deeper so that her juice spreads all over my digits. When I remove my hand, depriving her of any friction now, she lets out a desperate whimper. I need to taste her.</p><p>“Just a sec, baby.” I say.</p><p>I bring my index finger to my mouth and suck it while she watches closely. I can’t contain the gasps as I finally get to taste her – and <em>god</em>, she’s so fucking good. If we didn’t have to make it quick, I’d suck her clean.</p><p>Once there’s no trace of her in my tongue anymore, I take my middle and ring finger to her mouth, and she sucks it while I get to watch now, – I’d never deprive her of such a good taste. The pressure of her warm tongue brushing my skin as she sucks hard makes me want to fucking devour her.</p><p>I retract my fingers to take them back to her sex, thrusting in as hard as I shove my tongue in her mouth, stifling her moans. I kiss her sloppy and dirty, trying to quench my hunger, and she whimpers between my lips.</p><p>My fingers go in and out her warm hole, while my palm strokes her clit. I feel her titties crashing against mine as her body slightly rises and falls in my hand, over and over. My tongue does all the work against hers, since she can’t do anything but moan.</p><p>I feel her body shudder as she tries to turn her face away from my tongue so that she can concentrate solely on the sensation inside her, but I stop her with my patched hand around her throat. I press it upwards to her jaw, so she can cum harder with the pressure blocking her air. The wounds on my hand pound hard, but it only adds to my pleasure.</p><p>“Come for me, baby.” I command before placing one last kiss on her flustered pretty face and making one last thrust inside her, holding it tightly, as deep as my fingers go.</p><p>At that, she rolls her eyes into the back of her head, moaning loudly as she does it. I feel my pussy dripping without a single touch, just at how fucking hot she is.</p><p>The loud moan subsides to little gasps and I gently release my hand from her throat, caressing her neck with my fingertips as I brush my face on hers, before resting it on the crook of her neck. She takes her hand to the back of my head, caressing it, and I start to slowly retract my left hand off her. She lets out a cute little whimper and I can’t hold a chuckle. I wipe my fingers on her panties and adjust her skirt.</p><p>“<em>Jen...</em>” She says softly, almost moaning.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“I think I’m in–”</p><p>“Don’t go saying things you’ll regret tomorrow.” I cut her off.</p><p>Yes, it was amazing, but I don’t want to deceive myself again, thinking that she’s ready to claim me in the morning.</p><p>“I–” She gasps, still unable to breathe properly. “I won’t regret anything,”</p><p>Before she can continue, we’re interrupted by the sound of someone entering the kitchen. Rosie’s hand falls from my neck and I take a step away from her, turning to see who it is.</p><p>“Uh, sorry,” Wheein says, trying to dissemble the confused look on her face. “I didn’t see anything, I was never even here.”</p><p>She walks back outside and I look at Rosie, to see her reaction. She’s looking down, brushing her forehead with her fingertips.</p><p>After a few seconds, she looks at me, “I should go talk to her.”</p><p>I don’t understand why she has to, but I don’t question it, “Okay.”</p><p>She doesn’t say another word before leaving, and once she’s out of sight, I feel the pain in my hand again, creeping through my arm until it hits hard in my head. Maybe it’s time to call it a night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. feel something</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>after witnessing the struggles of their complicated friends, lisa and jisoo decide to setup a blind date for them to finally talk.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As soon as I enter the restaurant I sense that something’s off. The lighting is dim, the place is quiet – almost as if everyone’s just whispering to each other at the tables –, with some jazz playing in the background. It definitely doesn’t look like the kind of place Jisoo would take me to. I look around, trying to find my friend, but then I see <em>her</em> instead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My heart skips a beat and my whole body freezes. <em>What is she– </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s a setup, of course. There’s no such thing as coincidence and the universe surely doesn’t work as hard as my best friend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I grab my phone from my back pocket and open Jisoo’s chat. I quickly type the single word and press send.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>thanks. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>A split second after pressing the button to lock the phone, the screen lights up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>do your thing &lt;3</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>I smile at the text and look up again. Rosie is sipping at a glass of wine – too caught up in her own world to notice me standing only a few feet away from her –, and she looks absolutely stunning. This is far from how I imagined I would approach her, but it works, I guess… That’s if she’s not mad that I’ve ignored her messages for days – not really <em>ignored</em>, but that’s what it must feel like to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I take a deep breath, rotate my head over my shoulders to try to look more relaxed, and make my way to her table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Drinking alone now?” I ask standing next to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She follows the sound of my voice, widening her eyes for a split second, “It looks like it...” She says with a small smile and flushed cheeks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can I join you?” I return the smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” She nods nervously. “Sure.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I take the seat in front of her and place my phone at the table, my gaze still firmly on her. Facing her now I feel that I should’ve replied to her messages the moment she sent them, and maybe I would’ve felt better right away. It’s easy to forget my problems when I’m with her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The waiter soon approaches to fill the other empty glass with wine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can you leave the bottle?” I ask him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He nods and places the bottle on the table. “Would you like to see the menu?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not yet,” I reply. We need to just talk before the distraction. “I’ll let you know when we’re ready. Thanks.” I add with a smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he strolls away, I look at Rosie again. She’s staring at me with a puzzled face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? I can totally handle a bottle of wine.” I say humorously, trying to ease the tension between us.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She makes a face for a moment and then laughs when she gets the joke, “I didn’t say anything,”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can read minds.” I squint my eyes suggestively and drift my hand for the glass.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You definitely can’t.” She states with a confidence that now makes me wish I could.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I hold her gaze as I take the first sip of the wine, wondering what she meant. She mirrors my action.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I bet you were expecting Lisa, right?” I say, placing the glass on the table again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, it seems that our beloved friends have set us up…” I explain. “I came to meet with Jisoo.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Oh,</em>” She exclaims, realizing what’s happening. “You know you don’t need to do this if you don’t want–”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey,” I interrupt her to explain myself. “I’m sorry for not replying to your texts,”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She’s quickly to cut me off, “No need to apologize for that, really.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I wanted to reply,” I insist to clarify. “I just... I wasn’t in a good place, you know?” Although I want to explain, I don’t think that now is the time to delve too deeply into my inner struggles.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jen...” She casts her eyes downward at her hand stroking the glass on the table, “I’m sorry. About everything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s okay.” I say, although not sure exactly what she’s apologizing for.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After our last encounter and some reflecting on my own, I’ve come to realize that I may not be so much of a victim here. Sure she could’ve done some things differently, but I’m to blame for expecting something from her that I knew she couldn’t give me then.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know what you’ve been going through, but I know I caused a lot of things. I’ve been thinking these days and you were right, I was unfair to you. I mean, I didn’t understand what was going on between us in the beginning, I just really enjoyed being around you.” She smiles softly, looking away, her cheeks strawberry red. “But then, on that phone call, I realized that we were starting to cross the line of a friendship. You said that you loved talking to me, loved my voice, my laugh, things like that... and it really got to me.” She finally reveals what I said that day and I feel like laughing at how much of an idiot I can be when I’m drunk, but I hold it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She takes another sip of the wine, probably to drown her shyness deep inside her, since she still can’t look at me for more than a second, “I was scared… I had a boyfriend and I was feeling things that I knew I shouldn’t, so I decided to distance myself from you. I thought it was the right thing to do, but it was so hard… I missed you, and I just couldn’t forget the things you said. It was unfair to you that I didn’t explain what was going on, but I just knew that if I kept talking to you I’d be doing something wrong to Jun…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why are you telling me all this?” I ask studying her face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I want you to understand me,” She says looking at me. “You said you didn’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why do you want me to understand you?” I press her. I need her to say what she really wants from me now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I–” She bites her bottom lip. “I guess I want us to have a clean slate… even if we’ll be just friends.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Friends?</em>” I stress the word, raising my eyebrows.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No! I meant even if we end up being just friends...” She says stumbling over words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you want to be just friends?” I ask.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No–” She shakes her head, “I don’t know– Do you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rosie...” I smirk. “You’re lucky you’re so cute.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I– You’re not helping me here!” She rubs her forehead with her fingertips and laughs nervously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, look... You said it was all very confusing to you, I understand if you don’t feel comfortable just yet–”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I feel comfortable with you.” She says suddenly, catching me by surprise. “It is something new for me, and I still have to wrap my mind around… <em>everything</em>, but I do feel comfortable with you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I feel a breeze in my stomach as I hear these words coming out of her mouth. <em>Is this really happening? Is she saying that she actually wants to be with me now?</em> I don’t know if it’s because I had already accepted that we wouldn’t be together or because I’m so stupidly in love with her that such a simple statement can make an embarrassing amount of butterflies sprout around my chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did I just make you blush?” She asks holding a laugh and I feel the heat rising on my cheeks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Psh</em>, I don’t blush.” I say grimacing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She lets out a giggle, “Cute!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I take the opportunity to turn the tables, knowing very well how she will react, “Oh, you think I’m cute?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She rolls her eyes smiling, “Just when you’re shy…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So I’m not cute the rest of the time?” I ask pouting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She looks at me for a few seconds thinking about how to respond to that, her face turning red by the second, “Nope, you’re just annoying.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then why are you blushing?” I tease her before tasting the wine again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I hate you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a full minute of defying eyes in complete silence, she says, “You didn’t deserve the way I handled things, I didn’t consider your feelings like I should have.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I reach for her hand on the table, my heart fluttering a little as my fingertips trace lines in her skin, “It’s okay, I get it. It was a fucked up situation in general. I probably could’ve been more considerate of your feelings too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, you don’t need to take the blame. I did you wrong.” She reinforces looking at our hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s all in the past now anyway,” I say, squeezing her hand gently. “Don’t worry about it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a lot of teasing and a bit of tension, we manage to finish the main course and the bottle of wine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After the waiter leaves with our dessert orders, I see her clearly fighting her thoughts and just wait until she has the courage to ask, “You said you weren’t in a good place these days... Are you feeling better?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I am now that I’m with you.” I say sincerely.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She squints her eyes, “How many times have you used that one?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I chuckle at the unexpected question before commenting, “You’re too jealous, you know that, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, you are.” I affirm. “But don’t worry, it’s not a pickup line, I really mean it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I lean back in my seat and stretch my leg under the table, enough to reach hers, and watch as she takes a deep breath when we touch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Should I believe you?” She asks quietly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? You think I’m playing games with you?” I ask, rubbing my leg against hers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mm, are you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You have a very distorted perception of me, Rosie.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do I?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m not a player. You can trust me.” I assure her and she just nods. I take this as my cue to not go deep into this now, although I have a feeling that we’ll have to come back to this topic at some point in the future — if we have one. “I do feel good with you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her suspicious face dissolves into a smile and she says sheepishly, “Me too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really? You always look annoyed.” I joke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s ‘cause you like to annoy me!” She says chuckling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As I watch her laugh, I let out the words that are always in my head when I’m with her, “You’re so beautiful.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A cute startled look appears on her face, “You can’t say things like that...” She warns with a shy smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course I can.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, you can’t.” She insists, hiding her face in her hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I smile, marveling at the cute sight in front of me, and decide to push it a little more, “You’re so so so <em>so</em> beautiful, like <em>absolutely </em>beautif–”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Oh my god, Jennie!</em>” She leans forward on the table and puts her hand over my mouth, muffling my words. “<em>Stop!</em>”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I can’t contain the laughter as I see her desperation. She really gotta be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once my laughter subsides, I hold her wrist, to stop her from retracting it, and kiss the palm of her hand. Her smile fades as she bites her bottom lip and I wonder if she’s feeling the same as me. I know we already had other moments, but this right now feels like the most intimate, maybe because now we don’t need to worry about anyone else, it’s just us.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When I’m <em>this </em>close to saying fuck to conventions and just jumping over the table to kiss her reddish lips and claim them as mine, the waiter approaches with dessert.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a lot of arguing and a promise to let her pay the next time, I pay the bill and we leave. The fact that she suggested that there will be a next time filled me with unknown happiness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We walk all the way home just making small talk, but it’s not tiring at all. I take the moment to simply enjoy her presence. Our hands touch each other from time to time, but I don’t dare to intertwine them, neither does she.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When we arrive at her dorm she turns to me, “Thank you for tonight.” She says.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You should thank Lisa and Jisoo.” I say, recalling that it was all set up by them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I will,” She chuckles. “But thank <em>you</em>. I had a really good time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I nod slowly, fighting my lips to keep my smile to a minimum – I don’t need to look so damn whipped for her just yet, right?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the silence begins to feel awkward, I decide to say something, “Won’t you go inside?” I ask, gesturing to the building behind her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, I will,” She says looking back for a moment, “Text me when you get home?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Will do.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Promise?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Promise.” I assure her, eager to keep my word.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay,” She says with a small smile. “Bye, Jen.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she turns to leave, an impulse runs over me and I grab her hand. I don’t want her to leave like this, I need something more… But as I look at our hands, a wave of concern hits me. <em>Maybe she’s not ready yet for this, maybe she’ll run away now. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>The dark cloud inside my head dissolves completely when I feel her soft grip on my hand. My gaze makes its way to her face, meeting the most beautiful welcoming smile I could ever hope for. She takes a step closer, letting go of my hand to gently cup my cheeks in her palms. My quick hands land on her waist.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You can kiss me.” She says in a soothing voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I don’t move. I just stare at her hazel eyes, trying to read any words she may not have said yet, until she leans forward and puts plump wet lips on mine, flushing away any doubts that once crept on my mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The kiss is not rushed or desperate. It is slow and tender. I can feel every ledge on her tongue, each touch pulsing heat down my throat. Her fingertips caress my jaw up to my neck, making my ever so cold body melt. <em>God</em>, she’s absolutely everything I didn’t know I needed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I pull back a little, just enough for my eyes to contemplate her perfect features, “I missed you.” I say, fighting to hold bigger words that my heart is aggressively pumping into my brain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She opens her eyes and smile before whispering, “I missed you too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sweet words echo in my head as I wrap my arms tightly around her waist and kiss her again. Her patient lips tell me everything I need to know now... She’s finally mine.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so, that was the ending of the social media au :) hope u liked it. i'll probably still write one shots tho!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. trust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>jennie decides it's time to introduce rosie to her friends.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>JENNIE</b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“<em>Walk in your rainbow paradise… strawberry lipstick state of mind.</em>” the words fly out of my mouth timidly, while Rosie’s fingers skillfully hit the strings and her sweet voice drags the last words. “<em>I get so lost inside your eyes. Would you believe it?</em>” I fidget with the hem of my shirt as I sing, keeping my gaze down so I can keep my voice going.</p><p> </p><p>I hate singing to other people—I feel really ridiculous doing so—, but Rosie has a way of convincing me to do anything she wants.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p>
  <em>“C'monnn, you're so good at this.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m really not.” I said shaking my head.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Only one song, pleeeeease!” Rosie put her guitar aside and leaned over me, dragging soft kisses from my mouth to my ear as her hand caressed the back of my neck—just as she knows I like it. “Please, babe.” </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>My hand traveled to her hip while my head tilted back, “That’s low…”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll do whatever you want.” she said in a voice that my two weeks with her tell me it’s saved just to tease me—and it works every time.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, is that right?” I asked. “You know ‘whatever’ can be a lot…”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Mhm, I’ll do it. Promise.” she whispered and gave me a lingering kiss before pulling back, annoyingly acting like she hadn’t just turned me on. “Now c’mon, pick a song.”</em>
</p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>Rosie is passionate about music and I’ve been blessed to witness it every day for the past two weeks. She can’t go a day without singing and—fuck taking things slow— I can’t go a day without her. So now we’re here.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>You don't have to say you love me,</em>” I can’t help the smile forming on my lips when I allow my eyes to finally meet hers, exchanging a seemingly knowing look. “<em>You don't have to say nothing, you don't have to say you're mine…</em>” her smile grows bigger when my voice comes out bolder.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Honey!</em>” I find myself starting to enjoy the moment and let loose when the chorus comes and I sing looking at her, “<em>I'd walk through fire for you… Just let me adore you like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Rosie lets out a cute giggle every time I sing a verse with excessive passion, putting my hands in front of my chest for the sake of drama. “<em>I just wanna tell you something, l</em><em>ately you've been on my mind…</em>” To be honest, I think I could grow to really enjoy this pastime with her.</p><p> </p><p>When the song is almost over, I can no longer contain myself at the cute sight of my happy girlfriend. I lean closer to her and kiss the soft skin on her neck, enjoying her sweet scent.</p><p> </p><p>“Babe…” she complains with a smile on her lips, still playing the chords.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Just let me adore you like it's the only thing I'll ever do.</em>” I sing the last words in her ear, making her squirm a little.</p><p> </p><p>Rosie puts the guitar aside and quickly busies her free hands on my shoulders, “Aw, that was so cute!” she says happily.</p><p> </p><p>“Was it?” I ask, leaning in for a kiss.</p><p> </p><p>“Very much! I love this song.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah? I like it too, it makes me think of someone...” I tell her with a smirk.</p><p> </p><p>She narrows her eyes suspiciously, “Who?”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a secret.” I joke, mirroring her expression.</p><p> </p><p>“So you’re the type to keep secrets?”</p><p> </p><p>“Being mysterious is my charm.” I declare with a wink before leaning in for another kiss.</p><p> </p><p>She stops my advance with her hands and tilts her head, “No, it’s not.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean? You don’t think I’m charming?” I fake defensiveness.</p><p> </p><p>“Nope.” she outrages, making me laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, a lot of people think I am though.” I tease, leaning back on the couch.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, is that right?” she quirks her eyebrows and I nod in response, “Who? I want names.”</p><p> </p><p>“What for?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just gonna chop you and ship to them.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Oh</em>,” I try not to laugh as I raise my eyebrows in surprise. “Now that’s sexy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut.” she rolls her eyes and gives me a peck before getting up from the couch. “Do you want some water?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m okay, babe, thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>As Rosie disappears into the kitchen, I take the time to check my phone, after forgetting its existence for hours. I scroll through the countless texts in the group chat, laughing every now and then at the stupid shit my friends say.</p><p> </p><p><strong>seulgi:</strong> bar tonight??</p><p><strong>moonbyul:</strong> yass</p><p><strong>sihyeon:</strong> count me in!</p><p><strong>seulgi:</strong> jisoo? jennie?</p><p><strong>jisoo:</strong> yup</p><p><strong>sihyeon:</strong> jen is probably busy planning her wedding right now</p><p><strong>moonbyul:</strong> no its true</p><p><strong>moonbyul:</strong> girly is whipped</p><p><strong>jennie:</strong> u sound jealous</p><p><strong>sihyeon:</strong> not at all</p><p><strong>moonbyul:</strong> im okay thx</p><p><strong>seulgi:</strong> so? will u bless us with ur vip presence?</p><p><strong>seulgi:</strong> its been years</p><p><strong>moonbyul:</strong> cmonnn bring ur girl too</p><p> </p><p><em>Dramatic much</em>, I think reading the messages, though it’s true that I haven’t been seeing them as often since I started going out with Rosie. I don’t want to be that person who forgets their friends when they start dating, but I can’t help the need to be with her all the time and she didn’t seem so excited to go out with my friends when I first suggested it. Of course Jisoo and Lisa are an exception.</p><p> </p><p>“Who is it?” Rosie asks, sitting next to me with a glass of water in her hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Just the group chat,” I lock the phone and put it aside to turn all my attention to her, “They wanna go to the bar tonight. Wanna come?”</p><p> </p><p>She takes a sip of water before asking, “Are all your friends going?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think so.”</p><p> </p><p>She casts her gaze down for a second, “Like... Seulgi, Moonbyul... Sihyeon?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uhh, yeah.” I reply, a little confused as to why she’s asking that. “Jisoo and Lisa too. The only one not going is Irene, because you know...” I trail off, not really in the mood to talk about this topic—which is one more reason why I’m not hanging out with my friends as much.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course.” she nods and takes another sip of water, now clearly as a way to delay her answer.</p><p> </p><p>I stroke her thigh and insist, “C’mon babe, I want to properly introduce you to them.” as I decide it’s time for that to happen.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p> </p><p>“Am I sure of what?” I take the glass out of her grasp and place it on the coffee table so I can lay her down on the couch and climb on top. “I want everyone to know that I’m yours and you’re mine.” I say between kisses on her neck.</p><p> </p><p>She laughs, taking her hands to the nape of my neck, “Hmm, I’d like that very much.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CHAEYOUNG</b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“What if they don’t like me?” I ask Jennie when we get closer to the bar.</p><p> </p><p>It’s not like I’ve never went out with her friends before—we did go to many of the same parties, after all—, but that was when Jennie and I weren’t together and now it’s different. Now I’ll be in the same group as them, as Jennie’s <em>girlfriend</em>, and for some reason that little detail makes me nervous.</p><p> </p><p>“Rosie...” Jen takes my hand to her mouth and kisses it, the gentle gesture successfully bringing a smile to my lips. “Jisoo and Seulgi already know and love you. Why are you overthinking this?”</p><p> </p><p>“But the others?”</p><p> </p><p>“They’ll also love you. What’s not to like?” she asks, winking at me before giving me an reassuring peck.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re too biased.” I say, jokingly rolling my eyes.</p><p> </p><p>The bar is a bit crowded, as you would expect for a Friday night. Tables filled inside and groups of people drinking and talking on the sidewalk. Jen walks past them in front of me, leading the way to where her friends are.</p><p> </p><p>Sihyeon is the first to see us and she looks overly excited, “<em>Jennie!</em>” she exclaims, pulling her into a hug.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Jennie greets her and then look at me, “This is Chaeyoung.”</p><p> </p><p>“Finally meeting the famous Chaeyoung!” Sihyeon says in a high-pitched tone to me while Jennie talks to the others. “Congrats, you managed to do something that we all thought was impossible.”</p><p> </p><p>Before I can comment on it, someone else is already greeting me. I can’t explain exactly why, but it bothered me—especially coming from her. She doesn’t really need to remind me of Jennie’s past.</p><p> </p><p>Jennie’s friends are just as fun as they looked like when they’re all together, and it’s cute how they make sure not to let me feel like an outsider, explaining all the inside jokes that come up and already treating me like one of them.</p><p> </p><p>But the night starts to drag on when the conversation splits into small groups and I see Jennie alone with Sihyeon. My annoyance gets bigger with each stare, each laugh, each touch she exchanges with her<em> good friend</em>. I try my best not to let on—I really don’t need to come off as the jealous girlfriend who causes a scene—, but I can only take so much.</p><p> </p><p>“Girl…” Lisa says quietly, low enough for only me to hear it, “At least pretend not to stare.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” I ask confused, coming out of my daze.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve been glaring at them for a whole minute now. What’s up?”</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, Jisoo approaches Lisa to ask her something and I can avoid her questions. My eyes immediately go back to Jennie though, and she’s so caught up in the conversation that she doesn’t even notice my gaze on her.</p><p> </p><p>When it becomes too much torture to watch it—that girl whispering something in Jennie’s ear—, I turn around to take a deep breath and try not to let it get the best of me. Did she really bring me here to this? How naive of me to think this could actually work… I guess deep down I knew it wouldn’t and that’s why I’ve been avoiding it.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” my heart starts to beat faster when Jennie’s voice unexpectedly pops my thought bubble, “Are you okay?” she asks, looking intently at me.</p><p> </p><p>“Mhm,” I mumble, averting her gaze.</p><p> </p><p>I’d love to be able to act like everything’s fine and just talk this out later when we’re alone, but it’s pointless to try when I can’t even look her in the eye right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” she asks, making me even more irritated.</p><p> </p><p>“Why wouldn’t I be?”</p><p> </p><p>Jennie looks at me intently for a moment, as if trying to read into my expression and then takes my hand, leading me a step further for some privacy.</p><p> </p><p>“Rosie...” she starts in a soothing voice carried with concern and I instinctively cross my arms. “What’s going on?”</p><p> </p><p>“Like you care.” I breath out, looking away. If she did, she wouldn’t spend all night giving her full attention to someone else clearly hitting on her.</p><p> </p><p>“Baby, please...” she begs, turning my head in her direction with her fingertips on my chin. “Talk to me.”</p><p> </p><p>I sigh with annoyance. Does she really have no idea why I’m mad? It should be fucking obvious after all that flirting. “What’s up with you and that girl?” I ask, swatting her hand away.</p><p> </p><p>I notice how she’s taken aback with my question. “What?” she inquires, frowning.</p><p> </p><p>“Sihyeon.” I clarify. “You think I didn’t notice how she’s been all over you all night? Leaning over you, whispering things in your ear? It really looks like she’s your girlfriend, not me.”</p><p> </p><p>Jennie looks at the floor with a hand on her forehead, as if processing what I just told her, “Rosie...” she trails off.</p><p> </p><p>I feel Lisa and Jisoo’s gaze on us from afar and give them a quick glance just to confirm. I roll my eyes, annoyed at having to have this conversation in public, but fuck it. I look back at Jennie, “It’s so clear that she’s into you.” I claim.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s not.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sure,” I mock with a bitter chuckle, “As if the two of you weren’t a thing before me.”</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, “We weren’t a <em>thing</em>, we just...”</p><p> </p><p>I sigh and finish the sentence for her, “Just fucked, right?”</p><p> </p><p>She shifts her weight to the other leg and runs a hand through her hair as her tone gets colder, “Are you really going to bring this up now?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I am.” I stand my ground.</p><p> </p><p>“I just wanted to have a good time with you and my friends, is it that hard?”</p><p> </p><p>I let out a laugh of disbelief in her implied statement that I’m the one spoiling the night. “It is when you slept with half of your friends.”</p><p> </p><p>She jerks her eyebrows and casts her gaze down again, her voice barely audible, “I didn’t...”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, not like I haven’t even witnessed it myself.” I let out the words stuck in the back of my throat as the images of said moment flash again in my mind.</p><p> </p><p>I hate that I can picture Jennie with someone else, I hate to think that she had so many girls before me that she might compare me to them and conclude that I’m not enough. I hate that I might be just another one.</p><p> </p><p>Jennie chuckles bitterly while shaking her head, clearly out of patience now. I try to prepare myself for what’s about to come when she looks at me like I’m nothing to her, “<em>Please</em>, I’m the one who should be worried when you’re the one who cheated on your ex.”</p><p> </p><p>“I—” I try to say something, to defend myself, but my mind goes blank in shock and disappointment. I can’t believe what I just heard, especially coming from her. It hurts like a physical wound. “Wow...”</p><p> </p><p>Tears quickly flood my eyes, making the world blur for me and I just walk away from there as fast as possible. The last thing I hear is the sound of a beer can hitting the floor, but I don’t turn to see what everyone’s looking at.</p><p> </p><p>Is that what she really thinks of me?</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>The morning after is gray. Maybe not outside, but in my room with curtains drawn it is. A dark shade of gray.</p><p> </p><p>In the past two weeks Jennie has proven she can make me the happiest girl in the world, and last night she just proved the opposite too. Maybe I’m too sensitive for my own good, but her words felt like daggers in my chest.</p><p> </p><p>I never expected her to say such a thing, she had no right to do so… yet she did. If her intention was to make me feel like crap, congratulations to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Chaeeeng,” Lisa’s whining voice calls my attention and I open my eyes to face her. “Will you explain what happened now?”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t even...” I trail off, too embarrassed to say what I heard.</p><p> </p><p>My phone starts ringing again for the nth time and Lisa looks at it on the nightstand. “Is that her?” she asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” I confirm with a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>Jennie’s been blowing up my phone all morning and I just stare at it until it stops ringing. I read all her texts, but refrained from replying. I’m afraid that if we talk, she’ll just confirm what she thinks of me and I’m not ready to have my heart broken again.</p><p> </p><p>“Uhh… aren’t you going to pick up?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“Chaeng...” she sighs, “You have to talk to her.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I don’t.” I say flatly. “You don’t know what she said to me, Lisa.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure whatever it was she didn’t really mean it, you know how Jennie is...”</p><p> </p><p>“Except she did mean it.” my voice starts to falter and I sigh in annoyance.</p><p> </p><p>“Come here,” Lisa lies over me, hugging me over the blanket. “Do you want me to beat her up?”</p><p> </p><p>At that I can’t contain a laugh, “You wouldn’t do it, you absolutely love her.”</p><p> </p><p>She lifts her head to face me, “Of course I would! I like her a lot yeah, but you always come first!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, I like her a lot too.” I admit, feeling my eyes teary.</p><p> </p><p>“Aw, baby.” she pouts laying her head on me again.</p><p> </p><p>“Why does she have to be so....” I can’t even find a word to describe, “<em>Argh!</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon, let it out!”</p><p> </p><p>“I just—” I try to put my feelings into words, but it’s a mix of many things that only confuse me. “I wish I didn’t like her so much...”</p><p> </p><p>“But you do.”</p><p> </p><p>“Unfortunately.”</p><p> </p><p>Lisa wipes a tear from my cheek, “And she does too…”</p><p> </p><p>“Not sure of that anymore.” I say sincerely.</p><p> </p><p>“Why else would she be blowing up your phone right now?” she asks as my phone starts ringing again and she takes it in her hand. “Come on, give her a chance to explain herself.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just turn my phone off, please.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>JENNIE </b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“How bad is it?” Jisoo asks, getting under my blanket.</p><p> </p><p>“Bad <em>bad</em>.” I answer. “I really fucked up this time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why am I not surprised?”</p><p> </p><p>I ignore her snark comment and let out my frustrations, “She’s not taking my calls or answering my texts...”</p><p> </p><p>“You really need to work on that temper of yours.” she remarks.</p><p> </p><p>“No shit sherlock.” I say rolling my eyes. That’s not what I need to hear right now, to be honest. “But... she hurt me too, you know.”</p><p> </p><p>“How so?”</p><p> </p><p>I close my eyes as I run my hands over my face, “I just wanted her to meet my friends, you know? I thought we were gonna have a good time and all that, but then she just started that shit out of nowhere. I wasn’t doing anything wrong!” I state firmly. “Like... I’m not gonna stop talking to Sihyeon just because she’s jealous.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not saying you should stop talking to Sihyeon, but just put yourself in her shoes,” Jisoo reasons, “She knows you were some kind of <em>friends with benefits </em>or whatever you wanna call that. I mean, she even saw you two in action—”</p><p> </p><p>“Your point?” I ask, cutting her off as I feel myself getting irritated by the subject.</p><p> </p><p>“My point is, wouldn’t you be jealous if she was close to her ex now?” she asks in a rhetorical question since the answer is obvious to both of us. “And again, I’m not saying you have to stop talking to Sihyeon, you don’t. But maybe just be a little more patient with Chaeyoung? Hear her out and try to understand what made her uncomfortable last night.”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess...”</p><p> </p><p>“Also, get ready for when you have to go out with <em>her </em>friends…” she reminds me with a sly smile on her face.</p><p> </p><p>I put my hands on my face, thinking of how wrong this could also go, “God, where did I get myself into?”</p><p> </p><p>She laughs at my despair. “But you know… if you really want this to work, the way to solve things when she hurts you is telling her how you feel, not trying to hurt her too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m aware of that, but what’s done is done now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just give her some time.” she suggests.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to give her time. I want her back now.” I protest, annoyed. I can’t take the risk of losing her. Fuck no.</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” she breathes out, getting up from my bed. “Then just go knock on her door, stupid.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CHAEYOUNG</b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Hi.” Jennie says dejectedly when I open the door.</p><p> </p><p>I look at her for a few seconds to process the image that my eyes are seeing. We feel so emotional distant right now that it’s like I haven’t seen her in days, when in fact it’s been less than 24 hours.</p><p> </p><p>She looks so pretty with her sad cat eyes that I have to shut the door immediately to prevent myself from pulling her into my arms. I can’t just forget what happened.</p><p> </p><p>Before the door reaches the threshold, she stops it with her hand. “Rosie, please.”</p><p> </p><p>I make my way back to my room, hearing Jennie’s footsteps behind me. She closes the door and I turn around to face her, already feeling my eyes burning.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing here, Jennie?” I ask her, trying to keep my voice steady.</p><p> </p><p>“I need to talk to you.” she takes a step closer to me, which makes me take a step back to keep the distance.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t wanna hear it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rosie, <em>please…</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s Chaeyoung to you.” I say flatly as I cross my arms.</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s not.” she contends firmly, before softening again, “Baby… I’m so so so sorry. You know I didn’t mean what I said.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure.”</p><p> </p><p>“I was just pissed at you and then I let out the first stupid shit I could think of to get back at you.” she tries to reason.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that supposed to comfort me? I can’t believe you sometimes.” I chuckle lowly, shaking my head.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs and continues, “I’m just saying it’s not what I think of you, at all.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but if it came to your mind then there must be some truth to it.”</p><p> </p><p>“It doesn’t. I’m just really good at finding ways to offend people, to be honest...” she looks at her hands for a moment, seemingly trying to find the right words to continue, “I felt like you were doubting my faithfulness because of my past, so I tried to make you feel bad about it too. That’s the only reason I said that. I fully trust you, I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>As Jennie lets out her feelings, I feel a mixture of hurt and shame. When she puts it like that, I can understand her anger, because I also didn’t like to be doubted. Still, she purposely wanted to hurt me—something I wouldn’t do to her.</p><p> </p><p>“So, that’s another way of saying that you’re an asshole.” my voice comes out lighter than I intended, but I guess I just can’t stand the distance between us anymore.</p><p> </p><p>A soft, pain-filled chuckle escapes her lips, “You could say that, I guess… but I promise to try to be better from now on.”</p><p> </p><p>I look down at my hands fidgeting with the hem of my shirt as I try to figure out where to go from here. “I didn’t cheat on Jun. We were on a break when you kissed me and yet I didn’t let it go any further.” I clarify, perhaps in an attempt to also make myself feel less guilty about everything that happened in my previous relationship.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to explain yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>“I do.”</p><p> </p><p>Jennie hesitantly takes a step closer again and this time I don’t move, which she takes as a pass to get even closer. She takes my hand gently, making my heart flutter at the soft touch that I already missed so much. “I trust you, Rosie.” she assures me, looking into my eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Although I believe her, I can’t help feeling hurt, so I just nod, looking down to avert her gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, I promise not to be a jerk ever again.” she says quietly, putting a lock of my hair behind my ear. “Please, babe.”</p><p> </p><p>With no response, she cups my face in her hands and places a kiss on my cheek, before leaning our foreheads together. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever seen, I feel so lucky to have you.” she whispers. “I don’t wanna lose you.”</p><p> </p><p>I slowly allow my hands to rest on her waist and look at her, saying in a weak voice, “You won’t...”</p><p> </p><p>She smiles softly and I kiss her, unable to bear the longing anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Jennie pulls back, much to my displeasure, “And you know, there’s nothing more between Sihyeon and me.” she starts and I try to digest her words without letting them affect me again. “Yeah, we have a past, but there was never any feeling, really.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm,” I mumble.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t erase my past...” she goes on, caressing my cheeks with her thumbs. “But I can assure you that it doesn’t matter anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“You were flirting with her.” I say, recalling what I’d seen last night.</p><p> </p><p>“I wasn’t. We were just talking about random stuff, really.” she assures. “Do you trust me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” I utter, nodding my head.</p><p> </p><p>I can’t say that it doesn’t still bother me, but I have no reasonable argument to debate about it. Besides, I don’t really feel like fighting anymore. I just want to be with her and I do trust her.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t care about anyone else, you’re the only one I want.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure?” I ask genuinely, searching her eyes for any flicker of doubt—which I don’t find.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure, baby, so fucking sure.” she closes our distance again, kissing me deeply to show me just how much she mean those words, “You’re the only one for me.”</p><p> </p><p>I tighten the grip on her waist when her tongue touches mine. Every ugly feeling inside me frantically turns into passion the more I feel her and in less than a minute our kiss becomes dirty and messy.</p><p> </p><p>I pull back for a moment when my lungs beg for air, “And you’re the only one for me.” I tell her.</p><p> </p><p>“Am I?” she asks panting.</p><p> </p><p>“Mhm,” I kiss her again, ushering her down onto my bed. “You are.”</p><p> </p><p>Jennie takes off her shirt, revealing her pale smooth skin and leans on her elbows, “How about you keep that promise now?”</p>
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